Man a man Jokes - page 242

lets get drunk

Three men were in a bar getting drunk,an Italian,a German and an Irishman Well the bartender told them that if they bought 6 beers they’d get 2 beers free The Italian jumps up and says thats ridiculous back home at Vinnie’s bar you buy 4 beers and he’ll give you 2 free beers! The German stand up and shouts “thats crazy, back home at Wilhelm’s if you buy 2 beers you get 6 beers for free!” Well the Irishman jumps…

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Contractions

There was this happily married couple that decided to have a baby. After nine hard long months the mother finally started having contractions and it was time to go to the hospital. The mother was really scared of all the pain she was going to go through so she told the doctors that she wanted all the drugs she could get. The head doctor said, “We have designed a new device that transfers the pain from the mother of the…

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Points System for Men

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the Points System. —————————————— SIMPLE DUTIES: Making The Bed: You make the bed …………………………………………+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows……..0 You throw the…

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NY traffic

Traffic was excessively heavy at an intersection in New York City. A very obviously pregnant woman, stepped right out into traffic to cross the street and the screeching of brakes could be heard for blocks. One irate truck driver leaned out his window and yelled: “Hey Lady!! You can get knocked DOWN, too!”

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Is it Working?

One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table. I opened the refrigerator and, taped to the inside of the door, was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfect-built, but scantily-clad, young woman. “Mom, what’s this? I asked. “Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat,” she answered. “Is it working?” I asked. “Well, yes and no,” she replied. “I’ve lost 15 pounds, but your dad has…

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Jury Duty for Mom

After 40 years, Mother finally got her citizenship papers and proudly registered to vote. Well, Mother received a notice to report for jury duty; and, to our surprise, was not only selected for a jury, but was elected the foreman. It was a criminal case. A husband had shot his wife’s lover, but only grazed his arm. The jury was out for over four hours before returning. Everyone waited with bated breath, as the judge asked my mother whether the…

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The amazing time saving idea!

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. “Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?” The waiter replied, “Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant… He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the…

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Making the News

A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon to meet a deadline. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of…

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