Man a man Jokes - page 211

Tech Support for Wives

Dear Tech Support: Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SundayFootball…

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A Few Random Thoughts

If foreign films are so good, how come they don’t make them in this country? Definition of an optimist: an accordian player with a beeper. Old age is when you tell a friend you’re having an affair and he says, “That’s wonderful! Who’s the caterer?” Part of the trouble with doing nothing in life is that you never know when you’re through. Tractor pulls were invented so professional wrestling fans would have someone to look down on. Opieology: a religion…

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Read JokeA Few Random Thoughts

Run, Jane, Run!

Two natural gas company service personnel, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of an alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. When they finished, the senior supervisor, proud of his physical condition, challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race…

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Permits Needed

A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points on the tract. She wanted to get a good view of the land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable…

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Heimi’s Rent-a-Camel

Two people went to Egypt on their honeymoon. They wanted to get camels to go out and see the pyramids and Sphinx and stuff. So they went to a tourist bureau to find a place that would rent them camels. The information guide told them to go to Heimi’s Rent-a-Camel. So they got directions and found the place. The tourists rang the bell. This short, fat man waddled out and asked if he could help them. They said they needed…

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Love at First Sight

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter…

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Chinese Cook

Hop Sing was a cook on the Ponderosa Ranch. All the cowboys loved to poke fun at him because, being Chinese, he had a pigtail and wore a funny hat. He also couldn’t speak English very well. The cowboys used to put live snakes and frogs in his bed and pulled on his pigtail, just to tease him. Hop Sing, however, never complained and kept on working. He was a good sport. One day, the cowboys got together and said:…

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Five Short Ones About Kids

My grandson was telling me that he and his three playmates attended different churches. Then he added, “It really doesn’t matter if we go to different churches, does it, Grandma, as long as we’re all Republicans?” A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, “No, I’m the lonely child.” My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally…

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Instructions For Microsoft’s New TV Dinner Product

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft’s rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these…

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Read JokeInstructions For Microsoft’s New TV Dinner Product