Man a man Jokes - page 150

Hospital Joke

A woman gets a call from the hospital. The doctor at the hospital says, “Mrs. Smith, it’s about your husband. He’s been in a terrible car accident.” Mrs. Smith says, “Ohmigod, what happened.” The doctor says, “Well, I’ve got good news, and bad news.” Mrs. Smith says, “Give me the good news first.” The doctor says, “Well, your husband suffered extensive injuries and will take years to recuperate. He broke both of his arms, among other things, so for at…

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American Justice

A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against …get this …fire! Within a month, having smoked his entire stock of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in ‘a series of small fires’. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason…

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A Theory for Beer Drinkers

The Buffalo Theory: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as…

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Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is my talking clock,” the man replied. “How does it work?” the friend asked. “Watch,” the man said. Then he proceeded to give the gong an ear-shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It’s…

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THE ORTHODOX RABBI

Debra, a beautiful Jewish girl was raised in a Strictly Orthodox home. She became engaged to Richard, a Gentile boy who agreed to convert to Judaism and to be married in the temple of Debbie’s parents. Richard had so many questions about the forthcoming ceremony that Debbie arranged for him to meet Rabbi Schiller who would be performing the marriage. “I’d like Mom and Dad to be seated right down front with all my sisters,” said Richard. “Oh no”, said…

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Parking Loan

A businessman walks into a bank in Boston and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for…

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School Play

Matt’s dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.” “That’s great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they’ll be giving you a speaking part.”

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BB Stew

A woman was making a stew and her husband walked and set his bee-bee gun down and put the package of pellets above the stove. As the woman was cooking, the package fell over and landed in the stew. She fishes the package out, and thought to herself, “It’ll be to much trouble to take the bee-bees out. I’ll just leave them in and no one will notice.” So she fed it to her family with no complaints. The next…

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Reverse Roles

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work! But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was…

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No Bull

A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. “What’s this?” he asks. “Cojones, se?or,” the waiter replies. “What are cojones?” the man asks. “Cojones,” the waiter explains, “are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon.” At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to…

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