Man a man Jokes - page 132

Historical Argument

A man complains to a friend “I can’t take it anymore.” “What’s wrong?” his concerned friend asks. “It’s my wife. Every time we have an argument she gets historical!” “You mean ‘hysterical’,” his friend said, chuckling. “No, I mean HISTORICAL,” the man insists. “Every argument we have, she’ll go, “I still remember that time when you . . . .”

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Dad’s in a Jar ?

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?” She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.” He turns beat red in horror…

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SAD NEWS

It’s always difficult to bring sad news, but you should know… There was a great loss in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song “Hokey Pokey” died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping his body in the casket. They’d put his left leg in and… well, you know the rest.

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Wal-Mart Blind Associate

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart “associate” standing there with dark shades on. She says, “Excuse me, sir…can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Ma’am, I’m blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from…

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Tragedy!!

NEW YORK–Tragedy struck at a popular Manhattan nightclub Saturday, when the roof of “The Tunnel” caught fire, collapsing and killing 43 party people. According to fire-department officials, the death toll was exacerbated by the clubgoers’ unwillingness to evacuate the burning building. “I tried shouting to the people on the dance floor that the roof was on fire and that they should exit the premises immediately, but they seemed unfazed by the danger,” firefighter Michael Pitti said. “I just kept shouting,…

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Doctor’s Office

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.” The other…

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I Remember Mama…

An elderly couple suffering from deteriorating memory signed up for a power memory class to improve their memories. The power memory method taught them to remember things by associating these with familiar objects. After completing the 5-day course, the old man was discussing the merits of the course with a neighbor in his backyard. The old man claimed, “Signing up for that power memory class was one of the best things I’ve ever done.” The neighbor asked, “So who was…

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10 Shots

This guy sits down at a bar and says to the Bartender, “Give me 10 shots of Tequila. Just line ’em up right here!” The Bartender looks at him and says, “Man, that’s a lot of Tequila, can I ask why you want so many shots?” The guy replies, “I just had my first blow job!” The Bartender says, “ALRIGHT! Tell you what, The eleventh one’s on me!” The guy says, “Naw, if ten shots of Tequila doesn’t get the…

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Nuts!

An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn’t be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch. When it was time for the National Anthem, the director yelled, “Up, nuts!” and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over, the director yelled, “Down, nuts!” and…

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