Mak Jokes - page 9

Reasons To Love Men

Reasons to Love Men 1. They’ve got that comfortable place on their shoulder that’s perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. 2. They’re at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. 3. They’re enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we’re not. 4. They’re beyond enthusiastic about sex. 5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. 6. Chest hair, forearm hair and the feel of a newly shaved cheek.…

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zoo

This guy went to the zoo one day. While he was standing in front of the gorilla’s enclosure, a gust of wind blew some grit into his eye. As he pulled his eyelid down to dislodge the particle, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the hapless fellow senseless. When the guy came to, the zookeeper was anxiously bending over him, and as soon as he was able to talk he explained what had happened. The zookeeper…

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Federal Offense

A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire, and, to the ranger’s astonishment, eating a fish and a bald eagle. The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon brought to trial for his crime. The Judge asked the man, “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?” “Yes, I do, Judge,” replied the…

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If Men Were to Rewrite

Rule #1: Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. Rule #2: If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret Girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. Rule #3: If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way. Rule #4: It is neither in your…

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dirty laundry

There’s this couple that call making love “doing laundry”. One morning the husband tried despartly to wake his wife to do some laundry. She replyed by saying “honey, I am so tired let me sleep just a little while longer and than we can do laundry”. A short time later she wakes up and turns to her husband, she see’s him lying there naked. Oh Honey she said, I see that your ready to do the laundry…He looked at her…

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Moon Maiden

An astronaut landed on the moon and after exiting his spacecraft was leisurely exploring the moon’s surface. As he rounded a large boulder he came upon a beautiful girl standing next to a large black cauldron, the contents of which she was stirring with a long spoon. “Hello!” said the astronaut, “I am from the earth. What are you doing?” “Hello,” replied the moon maiden. “I live here on the moon and I am making a baby.” “How interesting!” responded…

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The World is Populated by Idiots

1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. 2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. 3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial…

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Little Johnny in science class

Little Johnny sat in the back of his science class one morning. The teacher rarely called upon him during discussions because he always had a remark to make that would disrupt the class. The teacher came into the classroom with an embalmed cat and said they would study anatomy that day. She asked what was holding the cat’s tail onto its body. Little Johnny waved his hand frantically, but the teacher called on someone else who gave the answer “skin.”…

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Back to the Drawing Board

Sometimes advertising campaigns backfire. Here are a few true examples. 1. Coors translated it’s slogan “Turn it loose” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.” 2. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick” curling iron into Germany, where they later found out that ‘mist’ is the German equivalent of shit. 3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market to coincide with the Pope’s visit. But instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the…

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3 Blonde Q&As

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that there was a wet t-shirt contest? A: She brought all her dirty laundry. Q: What did the blonde say when she heard that her friend had died? A: What color? Q: How do you make a blonde go deaf? A: Put a nail on the end of her pinky.

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