Mak Jokes - page 76

A Few Random Thoughts

If foreign films are so good, how come they don’t make them in this country? Definition of an optimist: an accordian player with a beeper. Old age is when you tell a friend you’re having an affair and he says, “That’s wonderful! Who’s the caterer?” Part of the trouble with doing nothing in life is that you never know when you’re through. Tractor pulls were invented so professional wrestling fans would have someone to look down on. Opieology: a religion…

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the clock room

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It?s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, ?I?m not very busy today, why don?t you let me show you around?? The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks.…

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Whole Lotta Yo Mama

SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…

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Well, she was different!

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery, she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her…

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The Glass-eyed Blonde

A man is eating in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous blonde eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air. “Oh my god, I am sooo sorry,” the woman says, as she pops her eye back in place.…

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A Happy Nation

Gore and the First family were on board Air Force One, when Clinton turned to Gore and says;”You know if I throw a hundred dollar bill out the window I could make one person very happy!” Gore just shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, “Well I could throw 10 ten dollars bills out the window and make 10 people very happy! Not to be left out Hilary tosses her hair-sprayed stiff hair and says; “I could throw 100 one dollar…

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Soup du Jour

A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter, “I think I will have the turtle soup.” The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants pea soup, instead. He calls out to the waiter, “Excuse me, can you hold the turtle and make it pea?”

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three Mama Jokes

1. Your mama is like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country. 2. Your mama is so stupid, she peels M&Ms to make chocolate chip cookies. 3. Your mama so stupid she thought 2pac Shakur was Jewish

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5 yo ugly mama jokes

Yo mama’s so ugly she is Pentagon’s secret weapon. Yo mama is so ugly her photograph was Dr.Kevorkian’s favourite tool. Yo mama is so ugly CIA uses her picture to make Russian spies speak. Yo mama is so ugly that when Fox Mulder saw her he said “I knew they were here!” Yo mama is so ugly that plan B in “Armageddon” was to make the asteroid turn by launching her picture into the orbit.

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