Mak Jokes - page 62

woman bashing

How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes. How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure. Why did God give men penises? So we’d always have at least one way to shut a…

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The Chili Contest

Just recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in my community to be a judge at a chili cookoff because no one else wanted to do it. Also, the original person called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy,…

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ACCIDENT

Fred was a tired, overworked traveling salesman who’d been making sales calls all day and hadn’t even stopped for lunch. At about four o’clock he pulled into the crowded parking lot of a large plaza, thinking he could get a bite in the food court. He circled around several times looking for a parking space when he finally spied one close to the entrance. He was carefully backing in when a young guy driving a Porche, who obviously saw Fred,…

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Tired of Harrassment

Eager to make her mark in the world of business, an attractive, young MBA took a job as executive assistant to the middle-aged owner of a fast-growing computer software company. She found the work challenging and the travel interesting, but she was extremely annoyed by her boss’ tendency to treat her in public as though she were his girlfriend, rather than a professional associate. This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would insist on ordering for her and on…

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Telemarketing experiences…

As an ex-telemarketer, a couple of incidents happened to me… Let me share them with ya! Me: Hi, may I speak to Mr. Jones? Mr: Speaking. Me: This is Susan calling from Mutual Medical Insurance. Mr: Am I insured with you? Me: No, but we’re calling to offer you a medical plan, which will take care of almost all your medical expences. Mr: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Me: We’re calling to offer you a medical plan, which will…

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Rabid Man

The tough businessman was feeling very ill and went to see the doctor. The doc examined him and backed away, saying, “I’m extremely sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal.” In shock, the man said, “Could you give me a pen and paper?” “Do you want to write your will?” “No, I want to make a list of…

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If Men Ruled the World……

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a timeout. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. The…

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evil clone

An electrician, and a very prosperous one a that, decided to go into the entertainment business. In doing so he became a headliner at a local night club. After a while, the man beacame very tired and couldn’t keep up with both of his jobs. In order to keep up with both his job, and still make a treendous amount of money in the process, he decided to clone himself. In doing so, the clone took over the night club…

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THE TEST

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an “A” so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time-however, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke…

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