Mai tai Jokes - page 6

If Men Were In Charge Of Weddings…..

There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…

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Airline Anecdotes

I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…

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More Chinese In 5 Minutes

English Phrase/(Chinese Phrase): I think you need a facelift/(Chin Tu Fat) Are you hiding a fugitive?/(Hu Yu Hai Ding?) See me A.S.A.P./(Kum Hai Nao) Stupid man/(Dum Gai) Small Horse/(Tai Ni Po Ni) Did you go to the beach?/(Wai Yu So Tan?) I bumped into a coffe table/(Ai Bang Mai Ni) It’s very dark in here/(Wai So Dim?) Has your flight been delayed?/(Hao Long Wai Ting?) An unauthorized execution/(Lin Ching) I thought you were on a diet/(Wai Yu Mun Ching?) This…

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Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

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State Mottos

Little known state mottos: Alabama: “Segregation now, Segregation Forever!” Alaska: “Land of 11,623 drunken Eskimos” Arizona: “It’s not the heat….” Arkansas: “Litterasy Ain’t Everything” California: “Land of the ‘Quakers’.” Colorado: “If you don’t ski, don’t come.” Connecticut: “Home of the ‘term life’ policy.” Delaware: “Home of prison floggings and an age 7 ‘consent law’.” Florida: “Ask Us About Our Grandkids.” Georgia: “Going to church? Bring your own snake.” Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (“If you’ve got the money,…

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MSDS Sheet

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMAN: A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: WO (Varies HO depending on which periodic table is used) DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg but known to vary from 40-200kg. OCCURRENCES: Migrates in clusters. Copious quantities in all urban areas. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered in painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without known reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. Bitter if incorrectly used. 5. Found in various states from virgin metal…

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Missing Brandy

Mr. Harris was complaining to his brother that someone in his household had been drinking his most expensive brandy on the sly everyday but he had no idea as to who the culprit was. So they discussed the list of usual suspects. They discounted Mr. Harris’ chauffeur as he was with Mr. Harris all the time. They also left out Mr. Harris’ housecleaning maid who came to clean the house only thrice a week. So they narrowed the list down…

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God’s Human DNA

God’s Human DNA Code For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism’s DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C)…

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Why we fly

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make their announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…” “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wings.” “Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person…

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Official Baby Boomer Exam

OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER EXAM Answers below 1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.” 2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in;________________.” 3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave behind?__________________ 4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and…

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