M ms Jokes - page 62

Chain Reaction

Once, there was a bass swimming in a river. About 6 inches above the water was a fly. The bass said to himself “If that fly would drop six inches, I could get that fly”. On the bank of the river stood a bear. The bear thought to himself, “If that fly drops 6 inches, that bass could get the fly, and I could get that bass”. Behind a tree stood a hunter. The hunter thought to himself, “If that…

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3 Foreigners in a Bar

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They all are talking about how much there lives suck, and how much the bars in their respective home towns are better. Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!” The others agree that sounds like…

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Divorce: Disney Style

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce after several years of marriage. When they are standing before the divorce court, the presiding judge gives his ruling on Mickey Mouse’s divorce petition. The judge says, “Mr. Mouse, I’m afraid I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie Mouse.” “What? How come, your Honor?” asks a surprised Mickey Mouse. “Well, there is nothing in your petition for divorce to support your claims that Mrs. Mouse is crazy.” explains the judge.…

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Bill and Saddam

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed.…

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BLONDE VISITS DOCTOR

“What seems to be the problem, Miss Appleby?” inquired the doctor. “Look at my ears, doc. They’re both burnt.” “My lord, how did that happen?” “I was ironing when the phone rang, but I mistakenly put my ear to the iron instead of the phone.” “How awful, but what about the other ear?” “The bastard called back.”

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Death Row

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are all on death row. The brunette is taken into the execution room. The executioner asks her if she has any last words. She said no. He aims the gun at her and she yells “snowstorm!” And everyone runs away and she escapes. The redhead is taken into the room and asked if she has any last words. She says no. The executioner points the gun at her and she yells “tornado!” Everyone…

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Potty Mouth Parrot

A guy once had a parrot that had a very dirty mouth. He would bring a date home and the parrot would squawk, “Somebody’s gonna get screwed!” Of course, the girls would get mad and leave. This went on for about 3 or 4 weeks, until finally he got so frustrated that he went back to the pet store where he had purchased the bird. He asked the pet store owner how to stop his parrot from scaring away his…

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