M ms Jokes - page 6

Sadam and Clinton’s Dreams

Sadam called President Clinton and said: “Bill, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of American, and it was beautiful, and on top of every building, there was a flag.” Clinton said, “Sadam, what was on the flag?” Sadam said, “Allah is G-d, G-d is Allah.” Clinton said, “You know, Sadam, I’m really glad you called because last night I had a dream, too. I could see all of Bagdad, and it…

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Even More ‘Gasms

Newlyweds get: “soregasms” Nymphos have: “let’s-do-it-some-moregasms” Teenagers usually experience: “four-on-the-floorgasms” Salesmen have: “door-to-doorgasms” Virgins scream out: “my-hymen-got-torgasms” I know of no one who has: “I-abhorgasms” Goalies have: “scoregasms” One gal was married to a man who had: “snoregasms” (well, that was *his* excuse) Golfers have: “foregasms” Hockey players have: “Bobby Orrgasms” Miners have: “ore-gasms” Mushrooms are limited to: “sporegasms” Grocers have: “storegasms” Marco Polo had: “exploregasms” Premature ejaculators have: “beforegasms” And lastly, Selfish men have: “I-got-mine-you-get-yourgasms”

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American Idioms

True Story: I went to lunch at an Olive Garden restaurant with a group of co-workers one day. One of the guys who went with us, Ilya, is a Russian immigrant who is still working on his English skills. I had been encouraging him to use more American idiomatic expressions and slang. The waitress at the restaurant seemed very nervous. When she brought out the drinks she spilled them all over the table. Of course everyone broke out laughing. Except…

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Horrible Dreams

“Doc,” said the young many, lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when, all of a sudden, five beautiful women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nods, “And what do you do?” “I push them away.” “I see. Well, what do you want ME to do?” The patient implored, “Break my arms.”

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Psalms 23

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23d Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life . . .” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny?” the pastor asked. “Well,” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time.”

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Elon Musk, World’s Richest Man, Declares War on Netflix Over Kids’ Cartoon Character

Elon Musk, the entrepreneurial titan usually found launching rockets or revolutionizing electric cars, has apparently found his latest nemesis: a cartoon character in a children’s show. A recently resurfaced clip from Dead End: Paranormal Park led the billionaire to rally his loyal followers, encouraging them to cancel their Netflix subscriptions. ? It seems even space-faring moguls aren’t immune to the dramatic pitfalls of animated storylines! ? Who knew a kids’ show character could spark such an epic, subscription-halting battle? Leer…

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Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital

Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital! Apparently, when your bustling city of 10 million people starts guzzling a quarter of the nation’s water and literally sinking into the ground, there’s only one logical conclusion: pack up the capital and find a new spot! ? President Masoud Pezeshkian claims Iran has ‘no choice’ but to relocate Tehran to the south, citing an epic trifecta of over-expansion, water scarcity, and ground subsidence as the…

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Read JokeIran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital