Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A joy of which I’ll not partake Is eating children’s birthday cake. To “blow out” candles, in a word, Is really patently absurd: Each puff contains sufficient moisture To propagate your av’rage oyster. So, Birthday-Boy and ditto-Daughter, Withhold from me your whiff of water. I do not need some little squirt To atomize on my dessert. Among the things I will not do Is have my cake and drink it, too.
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1. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 2. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 3. Introduce yourself to the class as the “master of the pan flute”. 4. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 5. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of the lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask if he was ever in an episode…
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A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket; if he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver…
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One day a lady told her daughter,” If you keep on sucking your thumb you are going to blow up like a balloon.” One day while they were standing in the line at the bank, a lady obviously pregnant was standing in line in front of them. The litte girl walked up to the lady and said,” I know what you were doing.”
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14. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden. 13. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey’s 900 number on your bill. 12. You find a stash of “Feline of Fortune” magazines behind the couch. 11. Cyanide pawprints all over the house. 10. You wake up to find a bird’s head in your bed. 09. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip. 08. Droppings in litter box spell…
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A five-year-old boy walks into his parents’ bedroom just as his full-chested mom is about to put on her bra. “What are those, Mommy?” he asks, pointing to her breasts. “Oh, those are balloons, Jimmy. When women die, they inflate and float you up to Heaven.” The following week, Jimmy runs into the kitchen where his mother is preparing lunch. “Mommy, come quick, Aunt Betty is dying!” cries the little boy. “What do you mean she’s dying??” asks Mommy. “She’s…
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Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it. It would be much scarier to get…
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A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. He thinks that the one thing he never did was to teach these natives how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and tells the chief, “This is a tree.” The chief looks at the tree and grunts, “Tree.” The…
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How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.
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One day a man put his father in a rest home. His father didn’t want to be there but just to please his son he would stay there for a while. The first morning the old man woke up with a boner and immediately after he woke up a beautiful nurse pulled down his pants and started to give him the best blow job he’d ever had. As soon as she was done she cleaned up and left without saying…
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