Love Jokes - page 5

Mick Herron, Authorial Grim Reaper, Confirms He Knows Exactly How to Off Gary Oldman’s Jackson Lamb

Slow Horses author Mick Herron says he knows how Jackson Lamb dies! ????? The man behind the beloved (and notoriously cantankerous) intelligence officer, famously portrayed by Gary Oldman, has revealed he holds the ultimate fate of his creation in his hands. Herron apparently knows ‘how, why, when, and where’ Lamb will kick the bucket – a revelation he’s only just cooked up! Fans are now left to ponder if it’ll be a dramatic explosion, a quiet retirement, or perhaps just…

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Read JokeMick Herron, Authorial Grim Reaper, Confirms He Knows Exactly How to Off Gary Oldman’s Jackson Lamb

A24: The New ‘Personality Trait’ You *Must* Have on Your Dating Profile

The alternative dating app Feeld has dropped a bombshell revelation: forget shared hobbies or personality traits, your true compatibility test now lies with your film studio preferences! ? It seems the once-boutique studio A24 has officially transcended mere filmmaking to become a ‘worldwide signifier of edgy yet popular entertainment.’ Translation: if you want to appear cool and discerning (but not too discerning), you better have A24 listed right alongside ‘loves long walks on the beach’ and ‘fluent in sarcasm.’ Apparently,…

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Read JokeA24: The New ‘Personality Trait’ You *Must* Have on Your Dating Profile

Rembrandt’s Self-Portrait Embarks on ‘Slow Tour’ of England, Offers Meditation Sessions Because Apparently We Forgot How to Look at Art

Rembrandt’s Self-Portrait Embarks on ‘Slow Tour’ of England, Offers Meditation Sessions Because Apparently We Forgot How to Look at Art. ? A National Trust-owned masterpiece is hitting the road, but not in a hurry! This isn’t your average gallery visit; prepare for a truly ‘lingering’ experience. The tour comes complete with a dedicated ‘meditation option’ for art lovers, presumably to guide them through the arduous task of simply looking at a painting. ? Because who needs to just appreciate art…

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Read JokeRembrandt’s Self-Portrait Embarks on ‘Slow Tour’ of England, Offers Meditation Sessions Because Apparently We Forgot How to Look at Art

Last Night’s Party

This thoroughly modern young couple, more than slightly hung over from last night’s party, were having a mid-afternoon breakfast. What a party that had been! A real swinging affair, no holds barred. “Darling,” said the husband, “this is … er … slightly embarrassing, but I think I should ask. Was it YOU I made love to in the library last night?” His wife looked thoughtful for a minute and then said, “About what time?”

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Read JokeLast Night’s Party

Penny Scale

After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight. He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results. “Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!” “Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too!”

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Read JokePenny Scale

Great Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go back to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist.” The guy, surprised, says, “Yes…how did you figure that out?” The girl says, “Easy…you keep washing your hands.” One thing…

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Read JokeGreat Dentist

50th Wedding Anniversary

A couple goes back to their original honeymoon hotel for a celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary. After all the family festivities they retire to the original room they stayed in on their honeymoon night 50 years prior. The woman is done with her bathroom antics and her husband takes her place for his turn to get ready. The elderly man takes quite awhile in the bathroom, as is his norm, and his wife spends the time figuring out the…

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Read Joke50th Wedding Anniversary

The 12 days of christmas

Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…

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Read JokeThe 12 days of christmas

Everyone Knows Mozart

A married couple, trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle, went to this party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!” The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning, I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island.” There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re…

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A thought for today….

If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches & pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on…

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Read JokeA thought for today….