Love Jokes - page 42

Breath Mints

A waitress has just finished giving her manager a headjob in the store room. She checks her appeareance in a mirror and returns to the dining areas to check on her customers. A gay man enters and is seated in her section. She goes over to him and not realizing how tall he is even seated she welcomes him and asks what he’d like to drink. Sniffing the air of her breath the gay says, “Oh!” I just love your…

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Holding Hands

An older couple regularly attended church. The pastor was much impressed by how harmonious and how much in love they seemed. They always held hands all through the service. One day after church, the pastor couldn’t resist going up to them to express his admiration. He said, “I find it so inspirational to see how deeply in love you are, even after all these years, holding hands the way you do.” The wife looked up sharply and said, “It’s not…

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Sly ‘Ol Geezer

After hours of polishing his new, chromed-out Harley, a young stud rides it down the main street of town, sure that every eye is on him and his beautiful new bike. At the stoplight, an ol’ geezer pulls up on the ugliest, rustiest, oil-dripping piece of junk motorcycle the young stud has ever seen. The ol’ geezer grins a toothless grin and asks, “So, how do ya like her?” The young stud beams with pride and says, “Great! I just…

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Is it Working?

One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table. I opened the refrigerator and, taped to the inside of the door, was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfect-built, but scantily-clad, young woman. “Mom, what’s this? I asked. “Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat,” she answered. “Is it working?” I asked. “Well, yes and no,” she replied. “I’ve lost 15 pounds, but your dad has…

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Jury Duty for Mom

After 40 years, Mother finally got her citizenship papers and proudly registered to vote. Well, Mother received a notice to report for jury duty; and, to our surprise, was not only selected for a jury, but was elected the foreman. It was a criminal case. A husband had shot his wife’s lover, but only grazed his arm. The jury was out for over four hours before returning. Everyone waited with bated breath, as the judge asked my mother whether the…

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Marriage

1. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. 2. It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. 3. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. 4. A man was complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; Then, Pow! it was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the…

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Clinton, Gore & Gates meet God

Bill Clinton and Al Gore are being flown by Bill Gates in his private plane. The plane crashes and all three are killed. The three ascend to heaven and are met by The Lord. God first asks Gore what he believes. Gore says, “I believe humankind has really messed up the bounteous and beautiful planet that You gave to them. They should be taught to care for it better.” God said he liked Gore’s answer and asked him to take…

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Read JokeClinton, Gore & Gates meet God

saggy

An old English couple was getting ready for bed when the husband said, “Honey, I love when you take off your blouse!” Blushing, the wife said, “Thank you.” The husband continued, “Honey, I love when you take off your bra!” “Even after all these years?” the wife asked. “Yes,” he replied. “Because then all the wrinkles come off of your face!!”

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10 cents

A man had a big dance comming up but the problem was he didn’t know how to dance. So he went to a dance studio. The instructor told him to pretend that there is a 10 cent piece on his right shoulder and that he must try to touch the coin with his earlobe in time to the music. So the guy went home and practiced this all week long. The next week the instructor told him to do the…

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How to respond to e-mail ads….

You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…

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