Love Jokes - page 27

Snappy Replies

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else? Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday. Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook. Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t need much help. Job Applicant: That’s all right.…

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Birth control method

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting. The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods. The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born. The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar. The third woman said that she used…

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Blonde Uses Cell Phone

A young man wants to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it’s her husband. “Hi hon,” he says “how do you like your new phone?” She replies “I just love it! It’s so…

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Help for Men Everywhere

Every “Hormone Hostage” knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. Here are helpful hints: DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: Wow! Look at you! DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER:…

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New State Mottos for the 21st Century

Alabama: At Least We’re Not Mississippi Alaska: But It’s a Dry Cold Arizona: But It’s a Dry Heat Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: Nouvelle Cuisine and Religions You Never Heard Of Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Forget It Connecticut: Like Massachusetts Only Dirtier Delaware: You’ll Love the Chemicals in Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put the Fun in Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha’ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)…

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African Adventures

A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. “Can you imagine,” he demanded, “people so primitive that they love to eat the embyro of certain birds and slices from the belly of certain animals? They grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?” When the students looked startled…

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The Wisdom of Homer J. Simpson

“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs.” “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” “Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene!’” “Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.” “If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now…

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Clinton’s salami song

His baloney has a first name, It’s “I did not in-hale.” His baloney has a second name, “I wasn’t getting tail.” He loves to sing it every day, The White House people all just saaaaaaay, That Billy Clinton has a way, Of making bullshit sound OKAY!

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Titanic Video vs. Clinton Video

When watching the Clinton video, did you get the feeling of “deja vu”…..of watching something that you had just seen in a similar structure??? Well your brain never fails…….By reading below, you will see the remarkable similarities between the Clinton Video and the Titanic Video. Was this just by coincidence or much more? I will let you be the judge………. TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet. CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet. TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long. CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3…

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Read JokeTitanic Video vs. Clinton Video