Love Jokes - page 11

Gynecologist turned Auto Mechanic

After nearly forty years in practice as a gynecologist, John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. Most of the students completed their exam in two hours. John, on the other hand, took…

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A Wife and a Mistress

Feeling a bit paranoid, a rich businessman decided to test the fidelity of his wife and his mistress by putting them both on the same cruise ship vacation in the Caribbean. He booked two adjacent rooms for the two women and then begged off from accompanying them because of business concerns. Once the cruise trip ended, he would question his wife and his mistress separately on each other’s behavior during the cruise without letting on about their relationship with him.…

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Daddy, where did I come from?

“Daddy, where did I come from?” the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully prepared. They took her into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. “Does that answer your question?” her father asked. “Not really,” the little girl said. “Judy said she came from Detroit. I want…

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stand back!

Maria just got married. Her hubbie came home and took off his work gloves. Maria phoned her mother. “Mother, my husband’s got hairy hands!” “Don’t worry Maria, all good men have hairy hands.The same thing happened, but only he took his top off. Her mother said exactly the same thing. Then, he took off his shoes and Maria realised his one foot was only half a one. She phoned her mother. “Ma ma, ma ma, my hubbie’s got a foot…

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Bored With The Wife

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s going to divorce his wife. “Good grief,” says Jim, “You and Sue are the happiest couple I know – why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?” “Well,” replies Fred, “Truth be known I’m just bored with pokin’ the same hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankerin’ for a bit of…

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If Men Ran the World…

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to…

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THE BRA

A couple of old fraternity brothers, Skip and Chip, now in their 40’s, would meet after work every week at their country club for a tennis game while their wives, Babs and Poopsy, played golf. On this particular day, the boys were in the locker room changing out of their business suits into their tennis clothes when Skip removed his shirt. Chip noticed that Skip was wearing a brassiere. “Ahhh, Skip”, said Chip, “if you tell me it’s none of…

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If Men Truly Ran the World…

If Men TRULY ran the world: 1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager. 3. Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. 4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day too. 5.…

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Good advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…

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Read JokeGood advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

Words of Wisdom

There was a nun whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into “worldly pleasures,” she huffily declined. But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. After a few more years, even that spiked milk couldn’t help, and the aged sister approached her final hour. As…

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