Loud son Jokes - page 5

Wedding

Tech Support for Wives

Dear Tech Support: Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SundayFootball…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke

Funny Stories

It was the Night Before Christmas (60’s style)

?Twas the Night Before Christmas 60’s style ?Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house Things were real mellow Even Irving the mouse Our boots were hung up The incense was lit In the hopes that St. Nick Would soon do his bit The tree was decked out It was really a sight With love beads and flowers And a flashing strobe light Wearing my T-shirt From the Woodstock Nation I was getting into Some good meditation And…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke

Funny Stories

The Bear & the Hunter

A hunter was out one day, crouched down for nearly an hour when he noticed this bear crawl by. So, without hesitation, he fired his shotgun at the bear. A cloud of dirt went up, but there was nothing there. Finally, he felt a tap on his sholder. It was the bear. “What are you doing? You can’t shoot me. Turn around and pull down your pants for some sweet lovin’ or I’m going to rip you to pieces.” The…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke

Politics

WHO SAID THAT?

It was a warm Friday afternoon toward the end of the school year when Miss Adams said to her third-grade class “Give me your attentions, girls and boys. I’m going to write some quotations on the board and the first person who can tell me who said each one may leave early today.” She wrote “Give me liberty or give…” Before she could finish the phrase, little Tiffany shouted “Patrick Henry”. “Very good, Tiffany”, smiled Miss Adams. “You may leave.”…

(2)Loading...

Read Joke

Funny Stories

50 ways to annoy your roomate

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. 2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. 3. Twitch a lot. 4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. 5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. 6. Become a subgenius. 7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG. 8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat.…

(1)Loading...

Read Joke

Little Johnny

Little Johnny

Little Johnny’s mother took her 6-year-old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, “Hey, Mom, she’s really fat.” The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little’ Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will…

(1)Loading...

Read Joke

Politics

BILL CLINTON – 1963

Dad: Come in here, son. we need to talk. Billy: What’s up, Dad? Dad: There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it? Billy: I don’t believe, if I understand the definition of “scratch the car”, that I can say truthfully that I scratched the car. Dad: Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch? Billy: Well, as…

(0)
Loading...

Read Joke

Religious

The Lottery Prayer

A man, named David, was feeling down because he was overdue on his bills and he was threatened to be evicted. So he went to a church and knelt down and said, “Please God, I know I don’t do this a lot, but I need your help. I need some money. Please, God, let me win the lottery. I trust in you.” Then David left the church, hopeful that he’d soon see results. A week went by and he didn’t…

(1)Loading...

Read Joke