Little man Jokes - page 29

Flied Lice

A Greek gentleman, eating in a Chinese restaurant, ordered fried rice, and the waiter, smiling and courteous, said, “Ah, yes, flied lice.” This struck the diner as excruciatingly funny and he ordered fried rice whenever he came in just to hear the waiter say, “flied lice”—-at which he would laugh heartily. He took to bringing in friends so that they might her this, too, and little by little the waiter realized he was a source of fun and mockery. Well,…

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Home Economics – Then and Now

The following is from an ACTUAL 1950’s Home Economics textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the propects of a good meal are part of the…

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A Reason for Parents’ Gray Hair

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?” “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice…

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Who Is God

There once was a boy named Little Jonny. One day he ask his dad if God was black or white? His dad said, “Well, God is a little bit of both.” The next day Jonny ask his dad if God was a man or a wamon? His dad said, “Well, the way they say it, God is a little bit of both.” Then Little Jonny ask is dad, “Is GOD MICHAEL JACKSON?”

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Hair cut in the city

A country boy has come into some money and decides he will go to town. Having never been to town before he strolls up and down the streets looking at the stores, when he comes to a barber shop. “Well,” he says. “I have never had a city hair cut, I think I will get one.” He goes in and sits down and the barber says, “What can I do for you?” Country boy says, “I want the works, everything,…

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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Ancient Ritual

Many Indian tribes of South America practiced a little known ritual..only recently discovered by archeologists. It seems that in order to please their gods they would sacrifice a virgin once a year. They would do this by hanging her from a tree till death. However, rather than taking her down they would leave her hanging there until she would decompose. When that time came they would all gather in a circle around her body and sing “Swing Low, Sweet Cherry-rot”..

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Let’s run!!

One day a seven year old boy was trying to press an intercom button but he could reach for it. So he kept on jumping trying to reach for the button but still he couldn’t do it. As he was busy jumping up and down, along came a seventy year old man who immediately noticed the young man’s problem and he offered to press the button, since the boy couldn’t reach it. As soon as he pressed the button the…

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two moose hunters

Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt, and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, “This little plane won’t lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals – you’ll have to leave one. We’d never make it over the trees on the take off.” “That’s baloney,” says one of the…

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Glesga Wars

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN GLASGOW? Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he’d only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He’d have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Rangers top. Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would addess him as Wanky-Nobby.…

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