Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just…
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God’s Human DNA Code For many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism’s DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C)…
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Hello, my name is Jonathan McKenzie. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before…
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Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked “intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up… …And What Was…
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There was this young boy who really liked going fast. So his parents bought him a tricycle. One day his brother came over with his brand new car. The young boy ran up to his brother and begged him to give him a ride in his new, fast car. The brother said “How about this. I’ll tie your tricyle to the back of my car and I’ll pull down the street.” The young boy accepted immediately. The arrangement was that…
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A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy scout and a pastor were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out. Unfortunately there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save…
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* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station… * If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with “quit while you’re ahead”? * I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They’re cramming for their “finals”. * I thought about how mothers feed their…
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He’s going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes, asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being?…
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~The following are actual winning analogies in the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest~ They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers…
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With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society….. DIRECTRA: a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent. PROJECTRA: men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting…
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