Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A local TV station sponsored a fabulous contest, the grand prize being a 30-day all expense paid trip around the world. Three gentlemen were selected as finalists, and as a final task each were given 14 days to accumulate as many ping pong balls as they could. The three men all set out on their unusual journey. After 5 days the first gentleman returned in a Chevy pickup truck, filled to the top with small white ping pong balls. “Great!…
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An attractive young woman gets on the city bus and facing the bus driver, she proceeds to put her right thumb to her nose and wiggles the other fingers on her right hand. The bus driver responds by putting his right thumb to his nose, putting his left thumb to the palm of his right hand and wiggling the eight fingers on his hands. Then the woman grabs both her breasts to which the bus driver responds by grabbing his…
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After many years, a young Talmud student who had left the old country for America, returns to visit his family. “But, where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him. “Mama,” he replies, “in American, nobody wears a beard.” “But at least you keep the Sabbath?” Mama asks. “Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath.” “But kosher food, you still eat?” asks Mama. “Mama, in American, it is very difficult to keep kosher.” The old…
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1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… 2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent… 3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire… 4. Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few “shout-outs” for my homeys in the command staff… 5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The…
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Julius and Irving, two very religious Jewish men, visited Marcus Pinkus the tailor to have new black suits made. When they went to pick up the suits, Julius looked at his suit very carefully; held it up to the light, walked over to the window and examined it more carefully and then proclaimed, “Marcus, this suit is navy blue. It’s not black!” “Trust me,” said Marcus, “it’s black!” “Irving, what do you think? Blue, or black?” asked Julius. “To tell…
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How to Identify Where a Driver is From One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York. One hand on wheel, one finger and head out the window — cursing, cutting across all lanes of traffic: Philly One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in…
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1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…
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There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.” “No, it’s not that. Today is the worst…
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As part of a complete physical, I was now performing the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the eye chart and began. “Cover your right eye with your hand, and tell me what you see.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now, your left.” Again, a flawless reading. “Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what…
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1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. 2. Pronounce all one syllable words with two. 3. When giving directions, finish with “it’s right down yonder on the left.” 4. Talk REALLY slowly, and ask them to speak slower so you can understand what they’re saying. 5. When they talk about how great it is up north, tell them “Delta’s ready when you are.” 6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. 7. Refer to every…
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