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Airline Anecdotes

I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…

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Airline Terms

As you are all aware, the airline industry in which we work has it’s own unique set of terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used terms and their definitions. PASSENGER – A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a “line.” This “line” has no set pattern and…

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Nice Guy Test

The Nice Guy 1. How do you typically look when you arrive to pick up your date? A. I wear my church clothes B. I like to dress up. Sometimes I bring a small present or flowers C. I dress casually unless I am very impressed with the woman D. I’m late, dress as I want, and if I bring anything it’s a sixpack of beer E. I take a knife 2.”Women are special.” Is this statement true? A. Yes,…

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The Difference Between Potential and Reality

Last week my son came up to me and asked me the difference between potential and reality. I told him to go to his mum and ask if she’d sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars, and then to go to his sister, and ask if she’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. He did just that. He went up to my wife and said, “Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million?” to which she…

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Simple math

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, “What is two and two?” The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was “Twenty-two.” The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the…

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Why we fly

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make their announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…” “We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wings.” “Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person…

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Just Trying to Make a Buck

Some say lawyers get a raw deal: There’s always another joke around the corner. A NASA official is interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one can go, and he can’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, is asked how much he wants to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answers, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, is asked the same question. He asks for $2 million. “I…

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Applying For A Job At McDonald’s

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald’s fast-food establishment AND THEY HIRED HIM! NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle…

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Smart Kid

A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks, “Johnnie! What?s your problem?” Johnnie says, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister’s in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!” The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the principal’s office and explained Johnnie’s request. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation…

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Embarrassed

This actually happened at Harvard University in October of last year. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked “If I understand, you’re saying there is as much glucose in male semen as there is in sugar? “That’s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?” After a stunned…

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