Last man Jokes - page 21

Belgians and brains

A Dutch friend told me the following nationalistic joke, which is portable to any in-group/out-group situation. It’s best told with some physical illustration on the part of the teller: Two Belgians are digging a deep hole while a Dutch foreman stands at the top of the hole and gives them orders. The slightly more intelligent Belgian asks, “Why are we digging while he stands up there and does nothing?” “I dunno,” says the slightly less intelligent Belgian, and climbs up…

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25 Cents..

One night a man was walking homewards when a thief jumped on him all of a sudden. Man and the thief were caught in a terrific tussle. They rolled about on the ground, and the man put up a tremendous fight, until at last the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through the man?s pockets and searched him all over. There was only a 25-cents coin he could…

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Weight Problem

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. “I’m so ashamed, Doctor,” she said. “I guess I’ve let myself go.” The physician was checking her eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.” “Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Not…

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The Spendthrift Wife

Clancy was brooding over his beer at the barroom and said to his friend, “I tell you, Mulligan, I don’t know what I’m going to do about my wife.” “What is it now?” “The same old thing—money. She’s always asking for money! Only last Thursday, she wanted ten dollars! Yesterday she was around asking for twenty! And this morning, if you please, she demanded fifty dollars!” “What does she do with all the money, for heaven’s sake?” “There’s no way…

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Puzzled Priest

An elderly parish priest became unhappy with the things he was hearing during Saturday confessions. After his sermon one Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, “I’m tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession that they have cheated. For thirty years, people have been saying to me ‘I have cheated with Anthony… I have cheated with Mary… I have cheated with Frankie.’ I am sick and tired of hearing this word. From now on, when you come…

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Empty Nest

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. “You know, Honey,” I said sweetly, “without your glasses, you look like the same handsome, young man I married.” “Honey,” he replied with a grin, “without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!”

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Men are like…..

For you ladies (and men so you’re prepared), a little MEN ARE LIKE humor: MEN ARE LIKE… Floor Tiles, if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years. MEN ARE LIKE… Bank Accounts, without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest. MEN ARE LIKE… Blenders, you need one, but you’re not quite sure why. MEN ARE LIKE… Chocolate Bars, sweet, smooth and they usually head right to your hips. MEN ARE…

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Tee shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed; driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!” The other guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.” “Forget it, man,” his partner answered, “you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting…

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Library Complaint

Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!” “Yes, Ma’am?” “I borrowed a book last week, and it was horrible!” “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters, and there was no plot whatsoever!” The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book!”

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In uniform

One policeman says to the other: “When I get home, I am going to rip the wife’s knickers and bra off.” “That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it!?” says the other policeman. “No, the elastic is killing me!!!” was replied.

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