Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A tourist guide brought a group of tourists from the MidWest to the New York City zoo. Stopping in front of the elephant’s enclosure, the tourist guide began his lecture, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant – the largest animal to roam the land. Everyday, the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of banana, 6 tons of hay and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits…” Seeing a woman tourist getting near an elephant, the tourist guide warned, “Madam, please don’t stand…
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Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, “I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease”. Disraeli replied, “That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.”
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We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for tories of unusual behavior by job applicants. ************************************** The lowlights: ************** 1. “… stretched out…
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Little Johnny was sitting in the class, Miss Jones asked him, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?” “None”, Johnny replies. The teacher, astonished, asked Johnny to explain “Well,” Little Johnny replies, “The sound of the gunshot will scare the other birds and they will fly away.” The teacher responded, “The correct answer is 4, but I appreciate your way of matured thinking, maybe you are right”. Little Johnny then…
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An 87 year old lady was going through some tough times and was very discouraged and depressed. She decided she did not want to live anymore and contemplated the different methods of suicide. Finally, she decided that shooting herself directly into the heart would be her best chance of success. Since she wanted precise accuracy, she called her family Doctor and under the pretext of just wanting to learn more about her heart asked him to tell her the exact…
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At a Mass at which some young ladies were to take their finals vows to become nuns, the presiding Bishop noticed two Rabbis enter the church just before the service began. They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle. The Bishop wondered why they had come, but he didn’t have time to inquire before the Mass began. When it came time for the announcements, the Bishop’s curiosity got the better of him. He welcomed the two…
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A man walked into the Ladies Department of Macy’s. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.” “What type of bra?” asked the clerk. “Type?” inquires the man. “There is more than one type?” “Look around,” said the sales lady, as she showed him a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. “Actually, even with all this variety, there are really only four types…
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A little boy goes out for Halloween dressed as a pirate. An old lady says to him, “What a cute pirate! Where are your bucaneers?” The little boy replies, “Under my bucking hat.”
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A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, Ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, Ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.” The lady looked at him,…
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TEN simple indications that the person next to you on the subway is “Nuts”. (A Luis G. Moreno original) 10.The guy next to you points out a location on the subway map with his toes. 9.The lady next to you makes “chomping” noises with her teeth at everyone, indicating that she wants some gum. 8.The person next to you repeatedly sits and stands on the seat beside you claiming, “I’m ..not…..NUTS!…I’m ..not ….NUTS!” 7.The lady next to you looks at…
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