Kind of woman Jokes - page 2

King Arthur & the Old Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur?s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the…

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Adios, Cuba

In an attempt to flee the hard life in their homeland, a group of twenty Cubans secretly left Cuba on a small boat and set sail for Miami. Along the way, the oldest Cuban suffered a serious heart attack. As he lay gasping for breath, the old man made this request to his fellow Cubans, “Please, my friends, I wish to hold in my hands the flag of my beloved Cuba and kiss it before I breathe my last.” So…

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Why Cucumbers are Better than Men

The average cucumber is at least six inches long Cucumbers stay hard for a week A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count Cucumbers don’t get too excited A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety Cucumbers are easy to pick up You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home Cucumbers can get away any weekend With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check…

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Tricky Old Lady

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money!” After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash…

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Art of Recruiting

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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breast enlargements

A woman went for a breast enlargement. The doctor said, “Which kind would you like? You have two options. One is silicone which is expensive. The other is a less expensive pill, but it is still in the experimental stages. There might be side effects.” She chose the pill which was much cheaper. The doctor told her to come back in three weeks for a check-up. When she went for her return visit, the doctor said, “Those pills really worked!…

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The “REAL” creation of Earth

IN THE BEGINNING In the beginning there was the computer. And God said %Let there be light! #Enter user id. %God #Enter password. %Omniscient #Password incorrect. Try again. %Omnipotent #Password incorrect. Try again. %Technocrat #And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. %Let there be light! #Unrecognizable command. Try again. %Create light #Done %Run heaven and earth #And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday,…

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golf etiquette

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bullshitting, and cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful…

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I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

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One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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