Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A young man wants to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it’s her husband. “Hi hon,” he says “how do you like your new phone?” She replies “I just love it! It’s so…
(0)
Loading...
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…
(1)Loading...
Martin Van Buren was so obnoxious to the southern states that he received only 9 popular votes from the South during his 1848 campaign for the Presidency—all were from Virginia. His supporters raised a cry of fraud. “Yes, fraud,” said a Virginian, “and we’re still looking for the son-of-a-bitch who voted nine times.”
(0)Loading...
Two morons were working in a pit, digging away, while their boss was up on normal ground, sitting next to his cadillac, drinking lemonade. One moron said, “Why do we have to be down here, while our boss is up there relaxing?” The other replied, “I don’t know, I’ll go up and ask him”, which he did. The boss replied, “It’s because I’m smart and you guys are morons”. “What makes you think that?”, asked the moron. “Let me show…
(0)Loading...
Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…
(3)Loading...
A mother was reading a book about animals to her three year old daughter. Mother: “What does the Cow say?” Child: “Mooo.” Mother: “Very Good! Now what does the Cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Ohh you’re so smart, now what does the frog say?” And this little 3 year old girl looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”
(0)Loading...
When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, He is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, He is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, That is initiative. When I make a mistake, I’m an idiot. When my boss makes a mistake, He’s only human. When I take a…
(0)Loading...
Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a timeout. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. The…
(0)Loading...
The following exchanges are taken from transcripts of allegedly true 911 calls. ———————————————- Nobody Knows Me …. Caller: “I’d like to make a unanimous complaint, so don’t use my name.” ———————————————- Deer Roadkill … Caller: “I’m reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it.” Call-taker: “Is the deer alive?” Caller: “Oh, no, it’s run over. Many, many cars. Again and again, and – OH NO!!! NOT AGAIN!” ———————————————- This Is A Recording… Not. Caller: “Am I talking to…
(0)Loading...
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. “Lord, I have a problem!” “What’s the problem, Eve?” “Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious, comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.” “Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above. “Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.” “Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create…
(0)Loading...