Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Maurice Barrymore was the patriarch of the famous acting family of stage and screen, and was himself an actor and amateur boxer. When he was finally being laid to rest, the straps supporting the coffin became twisted. The coffin, already lowered into the grave, had to be raised again so an adjustment could be made. As it reappeared, Lionel impulsively nudged John and whispered, “How like Father—a curtain call!”
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Subject: phrases you wish you could say at work 1. Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again… 2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try…
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One day a hillbilly walks into a police station because he wants to get a job as a deputy, which he’s wanted to be his whole life. So he goes over to the sheriff’s desk and says to the sheriff,”I’m hear to be a deputy.” The sheriff laughs and says, “Well lets see if you’re qualified, son.” The sheriff asks him a question and the hillbilly gives him an answer. The sheriff says, “Close enough.” The sheriff then asks him,…
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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads : Cheese sandwich $1.50 Chicken sandwich $2.50 Hand Job $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. “Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?” “I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the…
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A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he struggled to find appropriate words and said, “I know this must be a very hard time, Mrs. Jones. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell–the nut has already gone to Heaven.” “Ohhh, then you DID know…
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She is not: An airhead She is: Reality Impaired She is not: A Bleached Blonde She is: Peroxide Dependent She is not: A babe or chick She is: A Breasted American She does not have: Major league hooters She is: Pectorally Superior She does not have: A Great Tan She is: Pigmentally Enhanced You do not want to: Score or pick her up You want to: Attempt a Horizontal Encounter She is not: A perfect 10 She is: Numerically Superior…
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Maria just got married. Her hubbie came home and took off his work gloves. Maria phoned her mother. “Mother, my husband’s got hairy hands!” “Don’t worry Maria, all good men have hairy hands.The same thing happened, but only he took his top off. Her mother said exactly the same thing. Then, he took off his shoes and Maria realised his one foot was only half a one. She phoned her mother. “Ma ma, ma ma, my hubbie’s got a foot…
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How about never? Is never good for you? I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. I like you. You remind me of when I was…
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One day a very tall, well-dressed man entered a small-town, general store in the South. He was so distinctively dressed that it was obvious to the clerk that this man was a Quaker. He was dressed in black and wore that hat just like the Quaker Oats guy wears. Well, the clerk had never before seen a real live Quaker, let alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter with his selections, the clerk could hardly contain himself.…
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The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is at the entrance. A cat shows up. St Peter says “I know you! You were a very nice cat on earth and didn’t cause any trouble, so I want to offer a gift to you of one special thing you have always wanted.” Cat: “Well, I did always long to own a nice satin pillow like my master had, so I could lie on it.” St Peter: “That’s easy. Granted.…
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