Jo jo Jokes - page 29

Everyone Knows Mozart

A married couple, trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle, went to this party. The conversation turned to Mozart. “Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!” The woman, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, “Ah, Mozart. You’re so right. I love him. Only this morning, I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Coney Island.” There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at her. Her husband was mortified. He pulled her away and whispered, “We’re…

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Don’t Mess With My Uncle (Morals)

In a classroom one day the teacher asked her students, for homework, to think of a true story that has a moral. So the next day she asked Wendy to come up first. The teacher says, “Alright Wendy, what’s your story?” “Well,” Wendy started,”My grandfather lives on a farm and he has chickens. He wanted to sell all the eggs at the market but they didn’t make it to the market because the back of the truck broke and they…

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Now let’s see here if I understand all this correctly…

Now let’s see here if I understand all this correctly… President Clinton has ordered our forces to engage an entrenched, politically motivated enemy, backed by the Russians, on their home ground, in a foreign civil war, in difficult terrain, with limited military objectives, bombing restrictions, boundary and operational restrictions, queasy allies, far across the ocean, with uncertain goals, without prior consultation with Congress, the potential for escalation, while limiting the forces at his disposal, and the majority of Americans opposed…

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Vocabulary Lesson: Indifferent

The teacher asked who in the class could define the word “indifferent.” Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “That’s easy, it means it feels so good.” The teacher asked how he came up with that definition, and Johnny said, “I was up in my room last night, and my sister and her boyfriend were down on the porch, and I heard her say, ‘That feels so good’ and her boyfriend said, ‘That’s cause it’s in different.’”

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Three Times A Lady

A couple was enjoying a romantic dinner, celebrating their 35th anniversary when the husband says to his wife, “Honey, it’s wonderful having been married to you for 35 years, but there is one thing I’ve often wondered and have never known for sure. Have you been true to me throughout our married years?” She suddenly gets this flushed look upon her face as responds, “Does it really matter? What really counts is that we have been happy and we’ll be…

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A Redneck MaMa’s Letter to her Son

Dear Son: Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I will write this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. First the big news…your Dad heard that most accidents happen close to home so we moved. You won’t know the house when you come home as I can’t send you the address because the last redneck family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address.…

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Gravy Ladle

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be…

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Santa’s Pissed!

‘Twas the night before Christmas, Old Santa was pissed, He cussed out the elves, And threw down his list, “Miserable little pricks, Ungrateful little jerks, I have good mind, To scrap the whole works! I’ve busted my ass, For damn near a year, Instead of ‘Thanks Santa,’ What do I hear? The old lady bitches, ‘Cause I work late at night, The elves want more money, The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk, And goosed all the maids, Donner is…

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The Ventriloquist

This ventriloquist was playing a club and happened to crack a series of jokes about hillbillies. His dander rising, one young man in the club finally stood and said, “Hey, Ah’m gettin’ tired of these here jokes. Not all of us is dumb, y’know.” The flustered ventriloquest appologized, “It was all in jest, sir. Please don’t take it so seriously!” “Shaddup,” snarled the hillbilly, “Ain’t talkin’ to you. I’m talking to that wood fella on yar knee.”

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