Ity Jokes - page 5

HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of iNSaNiTy ….

…. AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE: At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them…

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Read JokeHoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of iNSaNiTy ….

Cultural diversity

At a local college, there was a dance.. this guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.” She says, “yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.” A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.” She says, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”…

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Cop does Community Service

A policeman was driving around in his patrol car. After he pulled off an expressway, he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, and he noticed someone at a KFC fast food place getting into his car. They guy had placed a bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the policeman decided to pull him over and perform a community service…

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A Perfect Opportunity

Two men held up a bank. They cleaned out the cash drawers and then herded the tellers and clerks into the vault. They were getting ready to make their getaway when one of the tellers whispered, “Hey, buddy, would you do me a favor?” One of the robbers said, “What’s on your mind, pal?” “Would you mind taking the books too?” the teller asked. “I’m five thousand dollars short.”

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Fertility Drugs

Joe went to the doctor to complain that the fertility drugs weren’t working. Despite the frequent use of said drugs he could not get his wife pregnant. The doctor took some tests and came back looking worried. “I have good news and bad news,” said the Doc. “The tests have shown that the drugs haven’t had the desired effect and you to have a sperm count of one.” “What’s the good news?” said a worried Joe. “That was the good…

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Insanity

After ten years of incarceration in an insane asylum, the remarkable Ralph Tibney seemed to have made a remarkable recovery. “While you were here,” the doctor said, “you actually acquired a doctorate in chemistry. If I recommend that you be released, what do you plan to do?” “I plan to go to work doing R&D for a major corporation.” “Good…and if you can’t get a job?” “Then I’ll see if I can get a grant and open my own lab.”…

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Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital

Iran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital! Apparently, when your bustling city of 10 million people starts guzzling a quarter of the nation’s water and literally sinking into the ground, there’s only one logical conclusion: pack up the capital and find a new spot! ? President Masoud Pezeshkian claims Iran has ‘no choice’ but to relocate Tehran to the south, citing an epic trifecta of over-expansion, water scarcity, and ground subsidence as the…

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Read JokeIran’s President: Tehran’s Thirsty, Sinking, So We’re Just Going to Move the Entire Capital

Italian ‘Art Police’ Raid Dalí Show, Discovering a Surreal 21 Suspected Fakes

Italian ‘Art Police’ Raid Dalí Show, Discovering a Surreal 21 Suspected Fakes. It seems even the world of high art isn’t immune to a good old-fashioned ‘oops!’ moment! ? Italy’s specialized art squad, the Carabinieri, swooped into a Parma exhibition dedicated to none other than the master of surrealism himself, Salvador Dalí. The mission? To confiscate a whopping 21 works that are now under heavy suspicion of being about as authentic as a mustache glued onto a potato. ? The…

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South Korea’s Digital Woes Go Up in Smoke: A Battery Fire Sparks Cyber-Panic and a ‘Caution’ Alert

South Korea’s Digital Woes Go Up in Smoke: A Battery Fire Sparks Cyber-Panic and a ‘Caution’ Alert. Talk about adding insult to injury! ? Just when you thought your biggest problem was a massive, nationwide system outage thanks to a rather inconvenient battery fire at a government data center, South Korea’s intelligence agency has decided it’s time to worry about hackers too. Apparently, the chaos from a good old-fashioned blaze (yes, a fire, in a data center!) is just the…

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Read JokeSouth Korea’s Digital Woes Go Up in Smoke: A Battery Fire Sparks Cyber-Panic and a ‘Caution’ Alert

Moldova Votes ‘Oui’ to EU, Finds Door Still Only Slightly Ajar (and Russia is Still Tapping on the Window)

Moldova Votes ‘Oui’ to EU, Finds Door Still Only Slightly Ajar (and Russia is Still Tapping on the Window) Good news, Moldova! Your citizens have decisively voted for the pro-European party of President Maia Sandu, confirming your unwavering desire to ditch the past and embrace the glorious future of bureaucracy and shared agricultural policies. ? The Action and Solidarity party snagged a whopping 50.03% of the vote, sending a clear message: ‘We want in!’ However, much like trying to get…

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Read JokeMoldova Votes ‘Oui’ to EU, Finds Door Still Only Slightly Ajar (and Russia is Still Tapping on the Window)