Ity Jokes - page 42

Fall TV Schedule

Thursday’s Schedule for the new Fall Television season: NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30 Girlfriends 9:00 One Guy with Several Female Friends 9:30 My Gay Friends FOX 8:00 Real Humans in Real Pain 8:30 Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape 9:00 Jiggle It Beach 9:30 LA Chicks 10:00 Beverly Hills 90210: The 90,210th Episode UPN 8:00 The Unwatchables 8:30 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Ratings 9:00 Theoretically Existing Show 9:30 Praying For Syndication 10:00 The Last Thing You’d Ever Want To…

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Read JokeFall TV Schedule

Not Free

Memorial Day weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands planted on his hips and said, emphatically, “I’m not free. I’m FOUR!”

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Home Economics – Then and Now

The following is from an ACTUAL 1950’s Home Economics textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married life. 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal – on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the propects of a good meal are part of the…

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Read JokeHome Economics – Then and Now

Two morons & a mule

Two morons bought a farm and moved out to the country. The farm included a mule, but the mule was pretty ornery. Every time the morons would start to lead the mule into the barn, his ears would hit the top of the door and he’d start bucking and kicking and jumping all over the barn yard. After some consideration, the morons decided that the solution to this dilemma was to raise the barn up. They were working feverishly on…

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Advice from Mr. Big

The other day I had the opportunity to drop by my department head’s office. He’s a friendly guy and, on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his office, I asked him, “Sir, what is the secret of your success?” He said, “Two words.” “And, Sir, what are they?” “Right decisions.” “But how do you make right decisions?” “One word,” he responded. “And, Sir, what is that?”…

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Tarzan’s Job Interview

Tarzan decided to return to civilization with Jane and their son. He also decided to find work in the city. This was how his job interview went : Interviewer : Name? Tarzan : Me, Tarzan. Interviewer : Married? Tarzan : Wife Jane. Interviewer : Children? Tarzan : Son Boy. Interviewer : Anything else to your name besides Tarzan? Tarzan : Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle. Interviewer : Jane’s whole name? Tarzan : Jane’s hole named Pussy.

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Read JokeTarzan’s Job Interview

Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…

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Read JokeWal-mart Dianogstic Computer

TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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Read JokeTONS of Blonde Jokes

The Buddhist Priest and the Irish Man

There was a competition to find out who the smartest man in the world was. In this competition, there was only one rule, you can’t talk. So it all comes down to a Buddhist priest and an Irish man. So the priest starts out by holding up one finger. The Irish man holds up two fingers. The Buddhist priest holds up three fingers and the Irish man holds up a fist. The priest holds up a small circle with one…

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Read JokeThe Buddhist Priest and the Irish Man