Irs Jokes - page 105

Honeymoon Gambling

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star hotel to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. The bell boy, while taking their luggage to the suite, thinks to himself, “At their ages, they are booking a suite. What a waste!” After leaving them in their room with a a very heavy tip, he decides to spy on them. That night he sits in the lobby opposite their room. All night long he hears laughing and clapping sounds from…

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Art Appreciation

Jill goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Jill walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.” “I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist. Jill says, “Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

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cindarella

Cindarella was getting old, 75 years, and very wrinkly. One day the fairy god mother came to visit. “Having a good life aren’t you.? I shall grant you three wishes.” For her first wish she wishes to be rich. instantly here chair is turned to gold and as she jumped up, her cat jumped off her lap. for her second wish she wishes, she wished to be young and beautiful. She was turned into a beautiful young woman. for her…

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A Frog With Talent

A woman was looking for the perfect gift to give to her husband on his birthday. While in a pet store she just couldn’t decide on what to get. The clerk suggested a big bull frog. “Well, how much is the frog?” asked the woman. “200 Dollars,” replied the clerk. “Why would I spend 200 dollars on a frog?” she replied back. “Well lady,” the clerk said, “This frog gives head!” So as it turns out the woman buys the…

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The Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…

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Perfect Timing

Otto von Bismark, the first Chancellor of the German Empire from 1871-90 had been conversing for a rather long time with the British Ambassador to Germany when the latter posed the question: “How do you handle insistent visitors who take up so much of your valuable time?” Bismark answered, “Oh, I have an infallible method. My servant appears and informs me that my wife has something urgent to tell me.” At that moment there was a knock at the door,…

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Bishop & the Bellringers

After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills (or lack thereof), he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer’s job. The bishop was incredulous. “You have no arms!” “No matter,”…

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Jeffery

Jeffery was a maintenance man for a big-time broadway production company. He was the guy who went around sweeping the floors after hours. One day, though, Jeffery was approached by one of the big time directors, a man dressed all in black, with a megaphone hung limply in his left arm. “Jeffery,” he said, “I have some news for you. We’re putting on a gigantic production about the Civil War tomorrow. One of my men came down with the flu…

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Team rivalry

Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off his cap and…

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DNA

Did you know they’re having a hard time with the DNA on Monica Lewinsky’s dress…. It seems everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA! ——- You know how Bill & Hillary met don’t you?….. They dated the same girl in college! ——- Did you hear Hillary is now getting up at 4 AM every morning?…… She stated the she is going to be the First Lady!

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