Ins Jokes - page 28

The Texas Way

One time a Lawyer from up North came down to South Texas to go hunting. He shot a duck and it landed in an old farmers field. When he went to go get it the farmer saw him and asked what he was doing. The lawyer repeated in a smart ass way, “I am getting my duck, old man. Watch out!” The old man replied, “Well here in south Texas we got a contest we play before you can get…

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Time Off for Blonde Behavior

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early? The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.…

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Football fans

Three football fans were driving down the road together, when they spied something laying on the side of the road. Upon investigating, they discovered a dead young woman, who was lying face up, and competely nude. The first football fan removed his Green Bay Packers cap and placed it over her right breast. The second football fan removed his San Francisco 49er cap and placed it over her left breast. The third football fan removed his Dallas Cowboys cap and…

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The Bible Salesman

Responding to an ad in the paper for Bible salesmen, a man arrived for his interview. “I w-w-want to s-s-sell B-B-Bibles,” he said. His interviewer was hesitant, but because the man’s sales experience was so good, he hired him. To everyone’s astonishment, within a few months, the fellow’s sales were the best in the company. The president called a meeting to congratulate him and to inspire the other salemen. “Son, tell us your secret for selling so many Bibles,” he…

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A dwarf with a lisp

A dwarf with a lisp goes to an agricultural show to buy a mare. He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate. He goes up to the farmer and says, “Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?” “Sure”, says the farmer,”come on in.” The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer “Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want…

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Stupid Blondes

I Know a blonde that was so stupid that….. she called me for my # she spent 20 mins. looking a the O.J. bottle b/c it said “concentrate” she put lipstick on her forehead b/c she wanted to make-up her mind she tried to drown a fish If you gave her a penny 4 her thoughts you’d get change under “education” on her application she put “Hooked On Phonics” If she were to speak her mind she’d be speechless she…

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What To Do With Thanksgiving Leftovers

Part of my friend’s job as a technical writer is to help produce the company newsletter which goes to their clients. He was asked to come up with a list (ala Letterman’s Top Ten List) of funny things one can do with Thanksgiving leftovers. He applied my head-bone to the problem for an hour and we came up with this list. Seal them in concrete and call it a time capsule. Send it to the Smithsonian with instructions to open…

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Divine Guidance?

This guy decides to go ice fishing one day, so he gets up at 2am to have an early start. When he arrives, he gets out his saw and begins carving away at the ice when all of a sudden he hears an echoing voice, “There are no fish under the ice there.” The dude freaks out looks around but sees no one. So he waits a few minutes then decides there is no one around and keeps carving. A…

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wonderous piggy

one day a guy at an insurance company got a request for insurance for a pig. The guy wanted to know why the pig needed insurance so he went down to the farm to investigate. when he approched the owner and asked him why, the farmer pointed to the pig with only 3 legs. The insurance man(lets call him Joe) asked what happen to the pig. the farmer(lets call him Billy Bob) says,”well one time my little daughter got out…

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Man’s best friend

Women just don’t understand me, that’s why I bought a dog. And this dog is like my dream date-as soon as I get her in the house, she’s all over me, rubbing against my leg, licking my nuts……….I can’t even get a girl to do that…….I can’t even get a girl to shit on my carpet!

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