Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
During the American Civil War, a particular captured Confederate soldier was a hard man to handle. Constantly, in his soft drawl, he would say, “Anyway, we beat the hell out of you sniveling Yankee dogs at Fredericksburg.” The Northern sergeant in charge could not punish the impertinent prisoner as he would have liked because there was a drive on at the time to make sure that prisoners were treated humanely. Finally, however, he could stand it no more. He marched…
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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.” “I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the man insisted. “I hardly think so!” responded the lady. “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”
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A Navy Admiral, a Marine General and an Army General were having some drinks at the officer’s club in a major military base. After a few rounds of iced tea, the Navy Admiral boasted, “You know, the Navy has the bravest fighting men ever to serve in the Armed Forces. I can prove it to you all.” Before the others could protest, the Admiral proceeded to phone his headquarter and asked for the best Navy Seal in his command to…
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Why are men like lawn mowers? If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it. Why is a hard man good to find? You don’t have to stay up half the night massaging his ego. How is an ex-husband like an inflamed appendix? It caused you a lot of pain, and after it was removed you found out you didn’t need it anyway. What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run or don’t fit right…
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1. HOTFLASHES You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. NIGHT SWEATS The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed. 3. MOOD SWINGS Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him. 4. MEMORY LOSS You write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them. 5. IRRITABILITY Your husband…
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1. The teller says, “Welcome to Burger… First State Bank, may I take your order?” 2. Founders: Dowee, Cheetum, and Howe. 3. Interest Rate on loans: 40.99 % 4. Bank run out of double-wide trailer. Which has been blown over FIVE times. 5. Slogan: “We want your money… uh business.” 6. Instead of candy kids get their very own HAPPY pills. 7. All cash deposits go directly into teller’s pants. 8. Valuables safely stored in a Pizza Hut box. 9.…
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I dreamt death came the other night, And Heaven’s Gate swung wide- An Angel with a halo bright Ushered me inside. And, there, to my astonishment, Stood folks I’d judged and labeled; As “quite unfit,” “of little worth” And, “spiritually disabled!!” Indignant words rose to my lips, But never were set free, For every face showed stunned surprise; Not one expected ME!
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This old guy named Joe invested in Microsoft stock in the early eighties and just died a wealthy man. He had no family, so his business associates were at the reading of his will, where it was learned that the old man wanted to be buried with most of his money. His banker, pastor, and lawyer were each given envelopes with $500,000 cash with the instructions to deposit the money in the casket at the funeral. Three days later at…
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Once, there were three nuns who always did what the priest told them to do. One day, the priest said, “You three have been very good. You can each go out and do one bad thing.” So, the nuns left. After about one hour, the first nun came back. “I ran over a kids’ bike,” she said. “Your sins are forgiven. Go drink of the holy water,” the priest said. Then, another nun came back. “I beat up the kid,”…
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Miss Agnes McHolstein 69 Cash Ave. Beaver Valley, CO Dec. 14, 1986 My Darling, I went to the door today and the postman delivered a “partridge in a pear tree”. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised. You’re an angel. With all my love and devotion, Agnes Miss Agnes McHolstein Dec. 15, 1986 Darling, Today, the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine “Two turtle doves”. I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are…
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