I’m famous
My agent has been able to get my name permenently displayed up in lights in every single theatre and cinema in the country. He changed my name to “Exit.”
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ing Jokes - page 458
Farm Life
A blonde Texas city girl married a rancher. One morning on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to his new bride, “The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnant one of our cows today. I drove a nail in the two-by-four just above the cows stall in the barn. When he gets here, pease show him where the cow is ok.” The rancher leaves for the fields. The artificial insemination man shows up and…
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A measure of nerve
One day over the summer, Little Billy was taking a shower with his father and he looked up and asked his dad what was hanging from his stomach. His dad replied, “That’s my nerve son, because when people hit it I get pissed off.” Later on that evening the father asked Little Billy to run down to the bakery to pick up some buns for dinner. Billy runs down to the bakery but half-way there, he forgets what he was…
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Cute Little Vase
A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, she walks back in. He says, “What’s this?” She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.” He turns beet red in…
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Kindergarten Homework Assignment
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and reltate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. “It’s a period”, said the little boy. “Well,…
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Van Gogh Family Tree
After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were: His obnoxious brother………………………….Please Gogh His dizzy aunt ……………………………….Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes……………………..Gotta Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience store…….Stopn Gogh The grandfather from Yugoslavia…………………U Gogh The brother who bleached his clothes white……….Hue Gogh The cousin from Illinois……………………….Chica Gogh His magician uncle…………………………….Wherediddy Gogh His Mexican cousin…………………………….Amee Gogh The Mexican cousin’s American half brother……….Grin Gogh The nephew who…
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10 ways to know you’re a redneck
1. If you pay dues on a tatoo. 2. If you’ve been on the news five times explaining what the tornado did. 3. If people often come to your door thinking you were having a yardsale. 4. If you mow your yard and find a car. 5. If you hear the term “modem” and think of what you did to your roses last week. 6. If you see a sign that says “Say no to crack” and it reminds you…
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Experimental Lawyers
At a convention of biological scientists’ one researcher remarks to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?” “Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?” “Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don’t get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won’t do. However, sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results…
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your momma’s glasses are so thick
Your momma’s glasses are so thick, she looked at a map & saw people waving!
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Tennis Presciption
A manager has to take up some sport, his doctor said, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his secretary asks him how he’s doing. “It’s going fine,” the manager says. “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me, my brain immediately says, “TO THE CORNER! BACKHAND! TO THE NET! SMASH! GO BACK! “Really? What happens then?” the girl asks, enthusiastically. “Then my body says, ‘Who, ME? Don’t talk nonsense!’”
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