curfew
There was a boy who had a girlfriend and the girl’s dad said to the boy, “You better bring her back by 8:15.” So then he brought her back in the middle of August.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Ing Jokes - page 436
Expensive Barbie!
A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t yet bought her a gift. So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, “How much is that Barbie in the window?” The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for…
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The Blue Suit
This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?” But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the…
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What Time Does the Bar Open?
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as before, Noon,” replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. “Whenjoo shay the bar opinsh at?” The clerk then answers, “It opens…
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Samples on the way…..
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.” The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “What? What did he say? What’s he want?” His wife yells back, “Just hand him your underwear!”
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L.O.F.T.
One day there were 3 amateurs and a pro playing golf. They went up to the first tee, and the pro went first. He hit it right on the green, 300 yards away. Then one of the amateurs went up to the tee and it sliced to the right. He asked the pro, “What causes that?” “LOFT,” he replied. Then the next amateur went up and sliced it to the left. He asked, “What causes that?” And the pro answered,…
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My ex-wife’s random thoughts….
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t give a damn. They keep telling us to get in touch…
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The Pissed Genie
A man is walking down the beach and sees a old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed off genie merges. She says, “Normally I grant 3 wishes, but in your case, you SOB, I am going to grant only 1.” He thinks a minute and says “OK, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed.” She says “So be it!” and…
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Flatulence Defined….
flatulence (fla-chu-lens) n. female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion. male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
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Filly Horse
Once a farmer bought a filly horse to bring home and train to race in the horse races. He was unloading the horse from his trailer, when his old stallion got a whiff of the little horse. This caused the stallion to become uncontrollably wild. The stallion wanted to have his way with the filly horse. The farmer knew that this would pose a problem. So he called the vet to see if he might have any sugestions. The vet…
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