Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
After years of his wife’s pleading, the rich, good old boy finally went with her to her little local church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher’s sermon that, on the way out, he stopped to shake his hand. He said, “Preacher, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!” The preacher replied, “Oh!! Why, thank you, Sir, but please, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use profanity in the Lord’s house.” “I’m sorry, Reverend,…
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Bill, Jim and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken, and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, “Let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25…
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Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.” Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would split it into 2 $50 bills and make two people down below happy.” Of course Clinton doesn’t want these two candidates to outdo him, so he pipes in, “I would…
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A doctor at an (insane) asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up, nuts!” and the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, “Down, nuts!” and they all sat. After a home run he yelled, “Cheer, nuts!” and they all…
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An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of about eighteen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and was just about to call the police, when the girl dropped down on her knees and pleaded, “Please don’t call the police, Mister. Oh, please!!! If you don’t, I’ll let you make love to me and do whatever you want with my body!” The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in.…
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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable. “Jane, Do you know any polysyllabic words?” After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. “Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon……day. Does anyone know another word?” Little Johnny from the back of the room yells, “I do! I do!” Knowing Johnny’s more mature sense…
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A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a beer.” He turns to the ostrich and asks “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer too,” says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says, “That will be $3.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man…
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A Programmer and an Engineer A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun.…
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A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: “Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?” the voice on the other end asks. “Well, Sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson’s command jeep.” “Soldier, do you know to whom you are speaking?” “No, Sir.” “This is Major Johnson, your commander!” “Uh, Sir? Do you know whom you are…
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Three drunk Irishmen were rambling through a cemetery in search of the oldest person buried there. One Blasted Bloke, Shamus, yells out, “Here’s a fella that died when he was 145 years old!” “What was his name?” asks Paddy. Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles, from Dublin.”
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