Ing Jokes - page 385

A Southern View of Yankees

ARE NORTHERNERS “BLUE-NECKS”? By now I’m sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins: YOU JUST MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF: 1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning “to cook outside.” 2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY! 3. You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. 4. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits. 5. You don’t know…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeA Southern View of Yankees

In my Hometown

The best thing about moving back to my hometown was seeing so many familiar faces. One day, in the grocery store, I recognized a man who had been a good friend of my parents. He noticed me staring, so I quickly introduced myself as John and Helen’s daughter. “Helen’s daughter!” he exclaimed. “Oh, such a beautiful lady!” He called to his wife,”Martha, come and see Helen’s daughter. You remember Helen–such a beautiful lady.” “Oh, yes,” Martha replied. “She was always…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeIn my Hometown

Two Missionaries In Hot Water

In the deepest jungles of Africa, two missionaries were seized by a tribe of hostile cannibals. The cannibals then stripped the missionaries of their clothing, hogtied them and threw them into a large vat of hot boiling water over an open fire with the intention of boiling them alive. As the missionaries kept praying for a miracle, one of them suddenly burst out laughing. This made the other missionary so confused by his companion’s sudden burst of laughter that he…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeTwo Missionaries In Hot Water

Stupid Car Accident Excuses

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeStupid Car Accident Excuses

A Farmer’s Punishment

There is a boy who lives on the farm and every morning he goes out to do his chores. The boy goes out to milk the cows, once he milks them he kicks the cows in the head. Then the boy goes out to feed the pigs, he feeds them and then kicks the pigs in the head also. The last he goes to the chickens and kicks them in the heads as well then takes their eggs. Now he…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeA Farmer’s Punishment

Monopoly Fun Facts

Warning: Some of these facts may have expired. Was written in 1995. Also, this is VERY long, but PLEASE read it all… Q. What was the longest MONOPOLY game ever? A. 70 days Q. How many little green houses have been built since the MONOPOLY game began? A. Approximately 5.1 Billion Q. What is the longest MOMOPOLY game ever played upside down? A. 36 hours Q. What’s the most frequently rolled number with the dice? A. 7 Q. What’s the…

(4)Loading...

Read JokeMonopoly Fun Facts

Mary and Jack

Mary and Jack are girlfriend and boyfriend. One day they go one a walk. As they are walking, Mary stops and says,” Look there’s a nickel in the road. Jack says,”No, it’s a dime.” Mary insists that it is a nickel, so Jack goes out to investigate. Just as he steps into the road, a semi comes along and hits Jack, instantly killing him. Mary just laughs and laughs because she knew it was really a dime.

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeMary and Jack

The Tridds

Once upon a time there was a race of small creatures who lived at the base of a huge mountain. They called themselves Tridds. The Tridds had one major problem in their lives in that on the summit of their mountain lived a monster. They tried to make friends with the monster but he always kicked them off the mountain. One day a traveling rabbi passed their way. (There had to be a rabbi.) The Tridds asked the rabbi to…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeThe Tridds

Be Prepared

A man wakes up his wife during the night with a glass of water in one hand and two aspirins in the other. She asks, “What’s this for?” “This is for your headache,” he says. She replies, “But I don’t have a headache.” He smiles and says, “Gotcha!”

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBe Prepared