Ing Jokes - page 260

Circus goes to farm

A train carrying circus animals de-rails beside a farm. This zebra gets off and goes to the farm. The zebra sees a chicken the zebra says to the chicken, “What do you do here?” The chicken says, “I walk around this cage and lay eggs.” The zebra exclaims, “You are telling me that you walk around and lay eggs while I risk my life in the African desert? You make me sick!” Then the zebra goes up to a bull…

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It’s Tough To Be A Guy…

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy butt and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity. If you mention how…

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Lemon Squeeze

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice would win the money. Many people had tried over time…(weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and…

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All in the Location

Benny had told all his friends about the delicious steak he’d eaten in the Delancey Street restaurant the day before. So they decided to go down there and see if it was really as large and delicious as he said. But, much to their disappointment, the waiter brought them the tiniest steak they’d ever seen. “See here, my good man,” Benny barked. “I was in this restaurant yesterday, and you served me a big, juicy steak, and now today, when…

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The Helpful Guy

Three Texans cross the border into Mexico one night, get drunk and wake up in a Mexican jail. They are told that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. The first guy is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, “I am a graduate student from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God…

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State Workers

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola, and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet…

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What’s the Problem?

A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old, and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.” “My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and…

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Rejected

One day, a father and son were walking along the beach when they came across a dead seagull lying on its back. Curiously, the son asked, “Daddy, what’s wrong with the bird?” “There comes a time in your life when you die,” said the father. “Where do you go when you die?” said the son. “Up to heaven,” said the father. “What happens in heaven?” said the son. “God invites you into his kingdom,” said the father. “Then, why did…

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Salary Expected

One day sardaji went for an interview. The interviewer gave him an application form and asked him to fill it out. He started printing his First Name, Last Name, Street Address etc. When he encountered the question Salary Expected, he was thinking for very long time, before he finally wrote “YES”.

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