Ing Jokes - page 201

Santa’s Really Bitter

T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks I have good mind to scrap the whole works I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear The old lady bitches cause I work late at night The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the…

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Titles Considered for Monica’s New Autobiography..

“I Suck at My Job” “What Really Goes Down in the White House” “How I Blew It in the White House” “Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President” “Clear and Present Boner” “Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule” “Going Back for Gore” “Podium Girl” “Secret Services to the President” “The Congressional Sutdy on White House Intern Positions” “Al Gore is in Command for the Next 30 Minutes” “How to Beat Off the Government” “Going Down and…

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More Confucius say……

Confucius say: “Virginity like bubble. One prick … all gone!” “Man who run in front of car get tired.” “Man who run behind car get exhausted.” “Foolish man give wife Grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ!” “Man with one chopstick go hungry.” “Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.” “Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.” “Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.” “War does not determine who right. War determine who…

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Two Priests

Two priests were done for the day and decided to head for the showers. When they got in they realized neither one had brought soap, so one of them says, “I’ll be alright to go out in the hall naked just to get some soap”, so out he goes and is on his way back with 2 bars of soap when 3 nuns come walking down the hall. The priest froze and pretended he was a statue, with the bars…

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Try it!

****read this 3 times, SLOWLY!**** I AM SOFA KING SMART! ****NOW READ IT FAST AS YOU CAN, AS LOUD AS YOU CAN.*** I AM SOFA KING SMART! (i am so f*cking smart!)….are you really!!!!!! .

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The Clinton Quiz 4 Dirty Johnny

One day at Little Bastard Elementary school, the children were at class in Mrs. Little’s class. She told the class that there was to be a special type of quiz that day and if you got your question right, you could go home early. “Alright class, who said ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?” Little Suzy rose her hand and answered John Kennedy, so she was dismissed. “Now, who…

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punctuation

An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “A woman. Without her, man is nothing.” Punctuation is everything!

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A Matter of Punctuation

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

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Grandma!

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words “QUEEN SIZE”. He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, “Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!”

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Tattoo

B.B. King and his beautiful wife celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. At night’s end, Mrs. King had a most special gift to express her undying loyalty to him. (she had B.B.’s initials tattooed to her behind, one B on each cheek) After they retired for the night, she bent over to show him the unexpected surprise. B.B. put on his glasses and said, “Who the Hell is BOB” ?

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