Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submittals. 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. 2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. 3. E-mail is not to be…
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The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. “WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?” Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I had a terrible time with Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.” “No problem” says the Wizard, “WHO IS NEXT?” Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well.. Well.. Well.. I…
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Pepito is at home doing his Math homework. Pepito: “Two plus five the son of a b**** is seven. Three plus six the son of a b**** is nine”. In that moment, his mother comes in. Mother: “But Pepito, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?!” Pepito: “I’m doing my Math homework, Mom”. Mother: “And is that what your teacher taught you?” Pepito: “Yes” Next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to…
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St. Peter greeted two newcomers at the Pearly Gates. One was a pope; the other was a lawyer. He ushered The Pope to a small shack and settled him in to his austere quarters; then led the lawyer to a huge, luxuriously appointed mansion. “I don’t understand,” the lawyer puzzled. “That man was a Pope, and you gave him a shack. And yet, you’ve said I am to live in this luxurious, huge mansion. Why?” “Sir,” said St. Peter. “We’ve…
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The blonde wife came home from her first day of commuting into the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, “Honey, are you feeling all right?” “Not really,” she replied. “I’m nauseous from sitting backward on the train.” “Poor Dear,” he said. “Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for awhile?” “I couldn’t,” she replied. “There was no one there.”
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A man is in a bar and he walks up to the bar and says to the bartender “I’ll bet you $50 that I could piss into that shot glass blind folded”. The bartender thought that this was an easy way to pick up some money so he agreed. He got out the glass and a blindfold and the man stood on the bar to pee. Naturally, the man didn’t get his piss into the glass but all over the…
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A young man died somewhat before his time in a motor accident, and found himself in Hell. He sat in a hot ante-room surrounded by swirling sulphurous gases as he gloomily awaited his fate. He’d heard all the jokes. “OK lads, tea break’s over, back on your heads.” Being forced to listen to a continuous Barry Manilow tape. The electrodes on the goolies. It made him shiver. Finally Satan arrived, detected the young chap’s demeanour and said, “Hey, why so…
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Five-year-old Timmy is playing with scissors in nursery, and he cuts himself. He rushes to the teacher. “Miss, miss! I’ve cut my hand! I need some cider, miss!” “Cider?!” cries the teacher, horrified, “Why on Earth do you want that, Timmy?” “Well,” explains the boy, “my big sister says that whenever she gets a prick in her hand she puts it in cider.”
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A man is in Alaska working on a pipeline. After time goes by, he gets horny and asks his boss what they can do for “fun”. The boss says that since the entire camp of workers consists of only men, and there isn’t a woman around for hundred of miles, that there is a tree out in the woods with a hole in it. When the boys get horny they go and have sex with the tree. The man thought…
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Q: Why do blondes like cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room.
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