How to have sex Jokes - page 3

Rules for Dating My Daughter

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am…

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You MIGHT be a Yankee if….

…You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! …The sound of Fran Drescher’s voice doesn’t bother you. …For breakfast, you’d rather have potatoes than grits. …You can name at least 4 hockey teams. …You don’t know what a moon pie is. …You’ve never eaten Okra. …You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. …You don’t have any problems pronouncing “Worcestershire sauce” correctly. …You’ve never had grain alcohol. …You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. …You have no…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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yo mama

YO MOMMA SO STUPID… Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test! Yo momma so stupid, she thought, “Wu Tang” was an African orange drink! Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl. Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order! Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! Yo momma…

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Cure for Migraines

When the doctor takes his history and does the physical exam, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL has seen no improvement. “Listen,” says the Doc, “I have migranes, too, and the advice I’m going to give you isn’t really anything I learned in medical school, but it’s advice that I’ve gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice…

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Baby Talk

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they begin to get ready for bed but the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife in the bathroom, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.” As the woman crosses her room to the husband, she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says,…

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Selected Bumper Sticker Sayings

Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. If At First You Don’t Succeed… Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away? The Face Is Familiar But I Can’t Quite Remember My Name Illiterate? Write For Help I Refuse To…

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Technically Speaking

Clinton died and went to heaven-or to be more accurate-approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “It’s me, Bill Clinton” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had extra-marital…

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WELFARE OFFICE

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up tp the counter and says, “Hi..You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.” The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent! We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffer andbodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the…

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Health Warnings

Due to increasing products liability, beer manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcoholic drink containers: Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.…

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