Hot day Jokes - page 11

The Falcons

A really mean farmer from Georgia had just died, and he had just entered Hell. The devil sensed that he was a real jerk so he decided to torture him a bit. “Okay, Mr. Farmer… I’m gonna let you sit here in this room for a while all by yourself. So, see ya!” The devil said and left the room. He turned the tempurature up to about 100 degrees. The next day the Devil came in to the room and…

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American Cuisine

Two immigrants, new to America, are wandering around on their first day off the boat in New York City, seeing the sights. Pretty soon they realize it’s time for lunch and they’re hungry from walking around all morning. They see a street vendor selling hotdogs. The first immigrant says, “I can’t believe it! They eat dogs in America.” The second immigrant, although equally shocked, replies, “Well, we’re going to be Americans now, so we have to behave like Americans and…

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Soap Opera

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times! ——————- Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are…

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Nuts!

An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn’t be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch. When it was time for the National Anthem, the director yelled, “Up, nuts!” and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over, the director yelled, “Down, nuts!” and…

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Hit the floor…..

An elderly woman went to Chicago representing her small church delegation at a religious conference. After checking into the hotel, she entered the elevator to go to her room. When she looked up, she noticed that there were two incredibly large black men in the elevator next to another mid-size black man. Being from a small town and having never been to the big city, the woman was terrified. As the elevator door closed and the woman turned around one…

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The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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How to read a film

Here are some film phrases to help you in your film viewing. Classic- A really boring movie that no-one likes. Ten Best- The 10 worst movies. (Usually Classics) Landmark- A really, REALLY boring movie. (Like 2001) New-Wave- The directors a lunatic, and no-one can make head or tail of the movie. Review- A biased analysis of a movie made by people who care about things like plot, theme and acting; things that have nothing to do with the enjoyment of…

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Backfired Plan

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested that the man could solve his problem by startling himself whenever he thought that he was going to ejaculate. So, the man went directly to a sporting goods store and bought a starter pistol. Then he went home to try the doctor’s advice. When he got home, he found his wife waiting for him on their bed, naked! So he ripped off…

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The frog

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again, he hears, “Ribbit 9 Iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.…

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Constipated Elephant

This doesn’t quite qualify as a Darwin Award, but it comes pretty close… PADERBORN, GERMANY – Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly — and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like…

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Read JokeConstipated Elephant