Honey don Jokes - page 4

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Frank phones his wife Angie at ten to five and tells her he’s bringing his boss home for dinner. Angie is furious that she’s had no time to prepare but when Frank and his boss arrive, she has miraculously made a marvelous veal marsala, with pasta, chianti and a spinach salad. She’s even managed to shower, change into a dress, and get their little six-year-old daughter, Stephanie, looking clean and pretty. As they are seated at the dining room table,…

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Read JokeKids Say the Darndest Things

Why Cucumbers are Better than Men

The average cucumber is at least six inches long Cucumbers stay hard for a week A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count Cucumbers don’t get too excited A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety Cucumbers are easy to pick up You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home Cucumbers can get away any weekend With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check…

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I wanna be held

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband asks, “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen that night, and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes…

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Eskimo and Wife

This eskimo and his wife are laying in bed when he says” Honey lets go fishing ” And she says” No I don’t want to go fishing. He says ” sure you do” She says “no I don’t want to go fishing I’m not going” and finally he says ” I’ll tell you what I’ll give you 3 choices you can give me a blow job,take it up the ass or go fishing. I’m going to get the dogs ready…

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Phone-In Polls

You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there’s always about 18% that say, “I don’t know.” It costs 90 cents to call up and vote…They’re voting, “I don’t know.” Example: “Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone.” Then he makes his call and says, “I DON’T KNOW!” then hangs up, looking proud because he voiced his non-opinion. This guy probably calls up phone sex girls at…

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New Cook

Mr. and Mrs. Smith have been back from their honeymoon for two weeks when Mr. Smith comes home from work and says that he has invited four of his friends from the office to their home for dinner on Friday night. Mrs. Smith is a bit apprehensive and asks if she must cook a meal for four. The husband explains that there will actually be eight coming since each will be bringing his wife. Since this is their first party,…

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A Thinking Problem

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone–“to relax,” I told myself–but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but…

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Pigs

A pig farmer had about 9 sows he needed to get bred. He called around the area to only find out the only available breeder was two counties over. So he loaded up the pigs in a truck and headed out. When he got to the breeder, as he was unloading the pigs, the man ask what it would cost. The man replied, “It’ll be $100.00 a sow”. The man says, “That’s outrageous, I don’t have that kind of money”.…

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just hold me…

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up, but then the wife stops and says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me. ” The husband says “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. The next day the husband takes…

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Read Jokejust hold me…