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Brotherly Love

Two brothers, Tom & Cody, live in the same house with their mom. One day Tom goes on a vacation for 3 days to Florida. The next day Tom calls Cody at home and asks how his cat Morris is doing. Cody replies, “He’s dead.” Tom flies off the handle at Cody and yells at him for an hour. Cody finally gets Tom calmed down and pleads to Tom that it wasn’t his fault. Tom says, “I know that you…

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Later, Johnny

Little Johnny went home early from school and started calling his mother and got no answer. He finally went upstairs and saw the bedroom door open a crack. When he peeked in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid, so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother. When she showed up with some groceries, he said, “Mommy, Mommy, guess what I saw? I saw Daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were…

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The Grasshopper & The Ant (Updated)

Classic Version – The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he?s a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold. Modern Version – the ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and…

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frog noise

A brother and sister were sitting at home with nothing to do. The brother went up to his grandpa and said, “Please grandpa, make a frog noise.” “No, I will not make a frog noise!” “Please grandpa please make a frog noise!” “No! I will not make a frog noise.” The brother goes back to his sister and says, go tell grandpa to make a frog noise. So the little girl goes up to her grandpa and says, “Please grandpa…

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The Right Girl

Manny is almost 29 years old. His friends have already gotten married, but Manny still just dates and dates. Finally, a friend asks him, “What’s the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can’t you find anyone who suits you?” “No,” Manny replies. “I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn’t like them. So I keep on looking!” “Listen,” his friend suggests, “Why…

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Old Age

One day a boy was walking home from school when he came across an Indian and an elephant. The Indian noticed the little boy and said, “This elephant tell how old you are.” And the boy said, “Yeah, right!” Then the elephant stompped his feet ten times and the boy said, “Yes I am ten years old!” So he went home and told his mom and the mom went to the Indian with the elephant and the Indian said, “This…

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Jesus and Multiculturalism

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN His first name was Jesus He was bilingual He was always being harassed by the authorities THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK He called everybody “brother” He liked Gospel He couldn’t get a fair trial THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH He went into his father’s business He lived at home until he was 33 He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God THREE PROOFS THAT…

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Dirty words

A young couple got married & went on a cruise for their honeymoon. When they got back from the honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived a couple of hours away. “Well, darling,” said her mom, “how was the honeymoon?” “Oh, mother,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time! But, mother, as soon as we returned, Sam began using really horrible language… Stuff I’d never heard before… Really terrible 4-letter words… You’ve…

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Intelligent Hunting Dog

A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he’d have to sell his dog – a most intelligent animal. A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this “intelligent” dog. When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He…

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