Hole in one Jokes - page 19

Four fingered golf

One day a man with no tongue approched a threesome on the first tee of a golf course. He handed a card to the men that stated, “I am dumb as I have no tongue. I would like to join your threesome, making it a foursome”. The first man looked at the card and said, “No problem”. The second man looked at the card and said, “I have no problem with that”. The third man looked at the card and…

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Restroom De-lights

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down, he walked up to the bartender and asked, “May I please use the restroom?” The bartender replied, “I really don’t think you should.” “Why not?” the pastor asked. “I really need to use the restroom!” “Well, I don’t think you should because there is a statue of a naked woman…

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golf etiquette

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bullshitting, and cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful…

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Success Through Ebonics II

Once again Leroy was asked to do a simple homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences. Here’s what he handed in: 1. HONOR ROLL – We was playin’ poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL. 2. PLANET – I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET in the backyard. 3. DEFENSE – I ran from…

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Useless facts

1.The us government spent 277,000 dollars on pickle research in 1993 2.There are 10 doctors in the us whose last name is Nurse. 3.When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle it travels at the speed of 25 miles per year. 4.State of union: The house where Thomas Jefferson wrote most of the declaration of independence was torn down and replaced with a hamburger stand. 5.If you are an average American you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at a…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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Two Football Jocks Taking an Exam

Two college football players named Bubba and Jed were taking an exam in English Literature. They must pass this exam in order to fulfill the academic requirement. If they fail, they would be dropped from the college varsity team for the whole season. The exam was relatively easy as it consisted mainly of fill-in-the-blank type of answers. However, Bubba was stumped by one particular item. The statement read “Complete the nursery phrase … Ol’ MacDonald had a ______.” Trying as…

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Lil’ Johnny on Politics

Lil’ Johnny goes up to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad says, “Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the bread winner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Mummy is the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you The People. The nanny– well, consider her as the working class. Your baby brother, we’ll call him the future.…

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Raffle Prizes

Bill, Michael and their blonde friend, Stacy, were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. The bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. Bill won the first prize: a whole year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Michael won the second prize: a six month’s supply of gourmet spaghetti. Stacy won the…

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Shower Power

How To Shower Like A Woman: 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat. 4. Get in the shower.…

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