Hey lady Jokes - page 12

Nude Beach

Chuck decides to bring his wife and son to the nude beach one day. They pick out a spot and little Joey goes off to play while Chuck’s wife sunbathes. Being the beautiful day that it is Chuck decides to go for a swim. About a half an our goes by and little Joey comes running up to his mother and says, “Mommy, Mommy, I saw some lady’s boobies and they’re bigger than yours!” She calmly tells her son, “The…

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The Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…

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DNA

Did you know they’re having a hard time with the DNA on Monica Lewinsky’s dress…. It seems everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA! ——- You know how Bill & Hillary met don’t you?….. They dated the same girl in college! ——- Did you hear Hillary is now getting up at 4 AM every morning?…… She stated the she is going to be the First Lady!

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Facelift

A woman goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. “Well”, says the doctor, “I can do the facelift, and then you will have to come back in six months for a follow-up.” “Oh no!” the woman replies. “I want it all done in one shot. I don’t want to have to come back.” The doctor thinks for a few seconds, then offers, “There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your…

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Oh, Dear!

There was a woman doing a report on Native Americans. The topic was going to be about the feathers that they wear. She went to the village and started looking around and decided to start with an Indian with just one feather in his headdress. “Excuse me sir, but why do you have one feather in your headdress?” asked the reporter. “Me Brave, me screw one squaw,” replied the Indian. A little discouraged the lady went to an Indian with…

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The Farrell Twins

Darryll and Darren were identical twin boys who lived in a fishing village off the coast of Maine. Darryll Farrell was married and Darren Farrell was single. Together they both owned a small, dilapidated boat. It happened that the same day Darryll’s wife died, Darren’s boat sank. Such is the karma of twins. A kind old lady met Darren on the street and mistaking him for his brother Darryll, said: “Oh, Mr. Farrell, I’m sorry to hear of your great…

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ice cream

I was in an ice cream parlor with my friend the other day, Sunday I believe. We watched as a very old limozine pulled up front and parked. A lovely older lady and a small young female ,about 6 years old got out and walked into the parlor. The well dressed older lady asked the young girl what kind of ice cream did she want for her birthday party? The young girl replied ‘Chocolate”. The young man behind the counter…

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny’s mother took her 6-year-old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, “Hey, Mom, she’s really fat.” The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little’ Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will…

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Doggie style

A young lady went to the doctor for her annual physical. The doctor told her to undress and sit on the examining table. She did as she was told and when the doctor turned around from his desk to examine her he noticed two big scabs on her knees. He said, ” My god what happened to your knees?” She said that they were caused by doing it doggie style. The doctor gave her some ointment and said that until…

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Some selected Puns

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus, we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled. –=[|]=– A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back,…

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