Hey kid Jokes - page 3

Welcome to AOL

If America Online was a city… 1) You’d live in a place where no two people had the same name. 2) You’d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. 3) Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you’d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99. 4) The commute to work…

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Read JokeWelcome to AOL

Bob, Bob, Bob….

Two women (one blonde, one brunette) go out for coffee and a chat. The brunette has 3 kids; the blonde has 30 kids. Brunette says: “How do you keep track of all those kids?” Blonde says: “Oh, it’s easy. All of them are named Bob” Brunette says: “How does that work?” Blonde says: “Well, when I want them to eat I just say, ‘Bob dinner’ and they all eat, when I say ‘Bob bed,’ they all go to bed.” Brunette…

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Read JokeBob, Bob, Bob….

Seattle Rain

A newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it’s raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that! She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid. Out of despair, she asks, “Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?” The kid says, “How should I know? I’m only 6.”

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Read JokeSeattle Rain

Children’s books you’ll NEVER see…

“You Are Different and That’s Bad” “Dad’s New Wife Timothy” “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets” “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence” “The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables” “Start a Real Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse” “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy” “Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will” “The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead” “How to Become The Dominant…

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Read JokeChildren’s books you’ll NEVER see…

You’re a Redneck, if…..

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table, in front of her kids. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is “out of your league,” bowls on a different night. Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You think “Genitalia” is an Italian airline. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.…

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Reincarnation

I beleive in reincarnation, I think the “Where’s the Beef” lady came back as the Taco bell dog. Yo Momma is so fat she got kidnapped and they could only put her picture on gallon milk jugs. Kidnappers sent her back because they got tired of going food shopping.

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Read JokeReincarnation

You are from a small town, when…..

During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids. You are related to more than half the town. You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do. Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic. You don’t buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. You don’t put too much effort into hairstyles due…

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Selected Bumper Sticker Sayings

Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. If At First You Don’t Succeed… Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away? The Face Is Familiar But I Can’t Quite Remember My Name Illiterate? Write For Help I Refuse To…

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Read JokeSelected Bumper Sticker Sayings

Bill Gates Buys a House

Bill: “There are a few issues we need to discuss.” Contractor: “Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?” Bill: “Uh, yeah… the first issue is the living room. We think it’s a little smaller than we anticipated.” Contractor: “Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date.” Bill: “We won’t be able to fit all our furniture in there.” Contractor: “Well, you…

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Read JokeBill Gates Buys a House

Lifesavers

A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. One day she brought in rolls of lifesavers of all flavors. “Children,” she announced, passing out the lifesavers, “I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these and then tell me what they are.” The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when the teacher gave them the honey-flavored lifesavers, every one of the kids was stumped. “I’ll give…

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Read JokeLifesavers