Hey kid Jokes - page 12

The Bill of No Rights

The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County GA: We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal,…

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Read JokeThe Bill of No Rights

My Mother taught

1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION… “Just wait until your father gets home.” 2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING…. “You are going to get it when we get home!” 3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE… “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you! … Don’t talk back to me” 4. My Mother taught me LOGIC… “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store…

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Dear God,

Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,why don’t you just keep the ones you have now? Jane Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Neil Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed…

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Read JokeDear God,

The Race

Two 8-year-old kids, 1 boy and 1 girl, decided to see which was faster in a race. They decided to run a best of three series to see who was faster. In the first race the boy won, and in the second race the boy won. “Why are boys so much faster than girls?” The girl asked. “I don’t know, let me ask my dad.” The boy replied. He went inside to ask his dad and his dad told him.…

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The Maid

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. “But why?” asked the disappointed wife. She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was…

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More Redneck Etiquette

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should…

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Bedroom Surprises

A woman has been married to her husband for ten years, and for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on. One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo. She said, “Honey, is this what you’ve been using all this time? How could you…

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The Unkindest Cut

Two babies were in a hospital laying next to each other. The first kid leaned over and asked, “What are you in here for?” The second kid said,” I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid said, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a piece…

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39 things a redneck would never say

Top 39 things you would NEVER hear a Southerner say ever, no matter how much they’ve had to drink, no matter how far from the South they’ve wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening… ****************************************************** 39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody…

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You Know You’re Getting Older When…

You and your teeth don’t sleep together. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you’re not eating cereal. Your back goes out but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. When happy hour…

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