Hey guys Jokes - page 11

15 inches

These three guys go camping: Joe, Frank and Bob (insert your friends names instead). They get camp all set up and these bandits come along and start tearing up their campsite and take all their money. The bandits tie up the three guys and are going to kill them. Joe speaks up and says, “Is there any way you’ll let us live?” One of the bandits says, “Well let’s see here …if all your penises together in a line equal…

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tracks

Once upon a time, three blondes went hunting in the forest. After a while they see some tracks. The first blonde says “hey look at these deer tracks!”. The second blonde looks at the tracks and says “no stupid those are wolf tracks!”. The third one looks at the tracks and studies them a little bit and says “you guys are both stupid, those are obviously bear tracks!”. Thats when they were hit by the train.

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horny Garry

Five men end up stranded on a tropical island. The only female around is a gorilla on the other end of the island. After one whole month the guys are all sitting around and Garry stands up and says, “I’m so horny, I can’t take it anymore!” So he grabs a bag and storms off to the other side of the island with his pals right behind him. They catch the gorilla, each guy grabs an arm or leg and…

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Great Promotion

O’Brien meets the usual crowd of guys at Flanigan’s, the local pub. “Listen,” he says, “I just heard that new bar, ‘Shenanigans’ has a great deal for new customers… For five bucks, they give you a pitcher of beer and then they take in back and get you laid.” “Sounds like bullshit,” says one of the guys. “Who told you about this deal?” “My sister.”

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Sage Comments from Smart Women

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb…. and I also know that I’m not blonde.” -Dolly Parton- “You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.” -Erica Jong- “I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that…

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Polock Joke

A little guy was sitting next to a big guy in a bar and said, “Hey, wanna hear a good Polock joke?” The big guy frowned and answered, “I just happen to be Polish. You see those two big guys at that end of the bar? Polish. That mean lookin’ son-of-a-bitch bartender, he’s Polish too. Do you still want to tell your Polish joke?” The little guy looked around and said,”Nope.” “What’s the matter?” asked the big guy. “Are you…

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Second Chance

There were three dead men. One was an Italian, one was a millonaire, and one was gay. God told them they could have a second chance in life, if they could stay away from the things they love the most for one day. The guys said ok. “PUFF”– they were alive again. They were walking and all of a sudden the Italian guy smells Italian food, so goes ands eats the food. “PUFF” — he’s gone. Well the gay guy…

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The Hero

Joe is at the Pearly Gates waiting to be admitted while St. Peter is leafing through his files to see if Joe is worthy of entry. “Joe,” says St. Pete, “I can’t see that you’ve done anything really bad in your life but I can’t see that you’ve done anything really good that would qualify you for Heaven. Can you tell me ANY good deed you’ve ever done?” Joe thinks for a moment and says “Sure. I was driving through…

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The Farrell Twins

Darryll and Darren were identical twin boys who lived in a fishing village off the coast of Maine. Darryll Farrell was married and Darren Farrell was single. Together they both owned a small, dilapidated boat. It happened that the same day Darryll’s wife died, Darren’s boat sank. Such is the karma of twins. A kind old lady met Darren on the street and mistaking him for his brother Darryll, said: “Oh, Mr. Farrell, I’m sorry to hear of your great…

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Here comes Trouble

There were two guys named Shut-up and Trouble. One day Shut-up said to Trouble,”Hey, Trouble let’s play hide and seek!” “Okay,” says Trouble. Shut-up goes and hides in a dumpster and a police officer comes to him and says, “What’s your name boy?” So Shut-up says, “Shut-up.” “What is your name, boy?” “Shut-up!” “Are you looking for Trouble, boy?” “No, Trouble is looking for me!” The End!

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