Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A guy decides to take off work early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes at 2 a.m. By then, he is extremely drunk. When he gets back to his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone up, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he loses his balance, falls over backwards, and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn’t have been so bad,…
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You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If… You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.” Your Jedi robe is camouflage. You have ever used your light saber to open a can of Bud. At least one wing of your X-Wing Fighter is primer colored. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. Wookiees…
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50 Ways to Kill Bin Ladin (As sung by “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” with apologies to Paul Simon) The problem is all inside his head it seems to me; The answer is easy if you strike him methodically. We need to get him in our struggle to be free; There must be 50 ways to get Bin Ladin. Bush said ?It?s really not my habit to use nukes. Except now, I?m really pissed off at those Islamic nut-head…
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An healthy and shy man, 70 years old, at the doctor’s office. – “Hey doc… I don’t know how it is possible… I’m very anxious about… but, I’m… a little ashamed… Many of my same aged friends are saying they have intercourse six times a week.” – “What’s the problem? Tell them the same thing!!”
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Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess — why can’t it get us out? Even if you are on the…
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When Arnold Schwartzenegger was a young boy living in Austria, he and his friends used to enjoy a game in which they pretended they were composers (being that Austria was known for having produced some great composers in its time). One day they were playing their usual game and the first boy yelled out, “I want to be Mozart!”. Immediately the second boy chimed in saying, “I want to be Chopin!”. Lastly was Arnold who was quoted as saying, “Then…
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A preacher was passing a farmer’s house on an afternoon walk. He noticed the farmer was digging a rather large hole. The preacher asked what the farmer was doing, to which the farmer replied “One of m’ critters died last night and I gotta bury ‘im.” The preacher asked “Which one?” The farmer answered, “My burro.” The preacher stated, “You know, according to The Good Book, that critter is an ass.” The farmer nodded and continued his chore. A few…
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A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of the yonder tree,” sighed the pheasant, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The pheasant pecked at a lump of do-do and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day,…
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You Might Be a Computer Geek If… You may have heard of Jeff Foxworthy’s humorous dialogue about rednecks, well, this is a twist on his style of humor. You might be a computer geek, by Jeff Foxqwerty. You might be a computer geek: 1 If you have 20/20 vision, and still can’t C… 2 If You buy a car and ask what version it is instead of model… 3 If the biggest purchase of your life happens at least once…
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A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself, “But let’s see what they think they can do.” He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he…
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