Hey al Jokes - page 65

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone, Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, and you’ll be positively brilliant!” “You sell them here?” the customer asks. “Yes. Only $4 apiece,” says Green.…

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One day, a man walked into a bar with his pet giraffe. He said to the bartender, “Could I have a drink for myself and one for my giraffe, please?” The bartender, not being in the habit of serving alcohol to animals, hesitated at first but eventually gave in to the persistant pleadings of the man. The man quickly downed his drink, as did the giraffe. He asked the bartender again for a round of drinks. The bartender complied, thinking,…

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There was a man and his horse, and they went into a cave with only one way in or out, the front way they came in. The horse kicked the wall and the rocks fell and left them trapped inside. There was only the man, the horse, and a knife on the man’s hip. How did they get out? The man cuts the horse in half with the knife and two halves make a whole so there was a hole…

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A cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in Washington D.C. He was also paid $50,000 to present his find. He did a couple more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his find than to work as a…

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1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time. 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor. 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment. 5. You should never say…

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