Hey al Jokes - page 36

Hot Dog

Two foreign men take a trip to the US. During the trip one man says to the other “I hear they eat dogs in this country, maybe we should eat some dogs too so we can fit in” So the two men walk up to a hot dog stand and order two hot dogs. When they recieve them, the first man opens his up, looks inside, and says to his freind “what part did you get!”

(3)Loading...

Read JokeHot Dog

The Irishman’s Blonde Wife

An Englishman, a German, a Scotsman and an Irishman are in a London pub, trading stories about how dumb their wives are. “My wife,” says the Englishman, “is so dumb that she spent $300 on frozen pork chops because they were on sale, and we don’t even have a freezer.” The German says, “Oh yah? My vife chust bought skis, und ve liff no vhere near a mountain.” The Scotsman says, “Aye, lad, that’s prrrety dumb, but my wife just…

(3)Loading...

Read JokeThe Irishman’s Blonde Wife

Green Side Up

One day there was a lady who wanted to have her wallpaper put up. She didn’t feel like learning how, so she hired a contractor. The contractor came out for the estimate, and she told him that she wanted red in the living room. The man wrote it down and yelled out of an open window “GREEN SIDE UP!”. The lady was a bit shocked, needless to say. She thought the man was a little peculiar. The dining room was…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeGreen Side Up

Thoughts from within my brain…

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station… What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men? Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP? If Stop & Shop and the A&P were to merge would it be called Stop & P? I believe five out of…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeThoughts from within my brain…

more bumper stickers…

a.. Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS? b.. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! c.. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole d.. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest? e.. Your gene pool needs a little chlorine. f.. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! g.. DON’T PISS ME OFF!!!!!! I’m running out of…

(4)Loading...

Read Jokemore bumper stickers…

Bigger Breasts at Any Cost

Once there was this woman who was, sad to say, very flat chested. Year after year of seeing beautiful, large-breasted women walking away with handsome guys finally got the best of her. She decided that she would have large tits at any cost. At first she went to a breast treatment center and asked for larger breasts. After several weeks, despite all the injections and fillers they had given her, her breasts were no larger. She despaired. She went everywhere,…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeBigger Breasts at Any Cost

A Redneck MaMa’s Letter to her Son

Dear Son: Just a few lines to let you know I’m still alive. I will write this letter slowly because I know you can’t read fast. First the big news…your Dad heard that most accidents happen close to home so we moved. You won’t know the house when you come home as I can’t send you the address because the last redneck family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address.…

(3)Loading...

Read JokeA Redneck MaMa’s Letter to her Son

St. Peter and the HMO Executive

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks them what good they have done in their lives. The doctor says, “I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for and healing thousands of people. St. Peter replies, “That’s great. Go ahead into heaven. And what about you?” The nurse states,…

(3)Loading...

Read JokeSt. Peter and the HMO Executive

Dead Chickens

A farmer lived on a quiet, rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. It became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So he called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.” “What do you want me to do?” asked…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeDead Chickens

Who’s Zooming Who?

While playing poker with his buddies at the home of his friend Eddie one Sunday evening, Dan happened to drop a dollar bill to the floor. As he bent down to pick up the dollar bill under the poker table, he happened to look directly at the shapely legs of Eddie’s wife, Mona, who was seated on a chair near the poker table. Sensing that Dan was staring at her legs, Mona slyly parted her legs revealing that she was…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeWho’s Zooming Who?